It Was Always You
by lforlinstead
Summary: What happens when the person you thought you lost comes back to you? LINSTEAD
1. Chapter 1

What started as a quiet night at Molly's had turned into a bit of a messy one. The drinks had got the better of him, and he was now back at the apartment- but not alone. The two could barely remember getting the cab back to the block, but yet somehow here they were.

Jay Halstead tried his damned hardest to focus on the petite blonde woman straddling his hips. The night had passed in a blur and now she was focusing all of her attention on him. He sighed as she got herself into position on the bed. Their clothes appeared to have just fell off their bodies, they were in bed that quickly. Strands of her hair fell forward into his face as she perched herself above his shaft, and her small nipples filled his vision. She was the first one to break the silence between the pair,

"God, Jay, you feel so good" she whispered in his ear as she rocked back and forth on top of him, her whole body balancing on top of Jay's. She moved her own hands over Jay's and manoeuvred his so he was holding her hips. He groaned at the gesture as she continued her movement on his hips. Jay closed his eyes to _savour_ the moment.

"Jay, I'm gonna…I'm gonna…"

"My God I know, Erin, you're gonna make me-"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

"Lauren, I…uh…" _Say something_ he thought to himself _good God just say SOMETHING_

Before Jay could even blink she had removed herself from him, picked her clothes up from the floor and stormed out of his bedroom. It was barely even another minute and she had slammed shut the apartment door- not before she had shouted a final "fuck you" through the mail box.

He sat up on the edge of his bed and scratched his head, then rubbed the stubble growing around his chin. Deciding there was nothing he could do right now, he slowly headed for the kitchen and grabbed himself a beer from the fridge. The buzz from his pyjama pocket was right on cue:

 _WE ARE OVER. I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL_ _SHE __DID TO YOU, YOU OBVIOUSLY STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER. FUCK. YOU. DON'T CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN._

" _Shit"_ thought Halstead, he'd definitely done it this time. There had to be a way to make it up to her, he just had to find it. He couldn't just throw the last fifteen months down the line. And what was she talking about, he still had feelings for Erin Lindsay? Like Hell, he thought as he opened up the beer and took a massive gulp. Like _HELL._

Jay didn't know how long he had been standing there but all of a sudden he was distracted by a knock at the door. He was too distracted by the thought of Lauren that he bypassed the fact it wasn't her usual knock. _She's back to forgive me_ he thought. Jay put down the beer on the kitchen counter and got to the front door in about five steps. He didn't even find it strange that he couldn't see Laurens curls through the window on the door, he was too wrapped up in thinking how he was going to apologize and make it up to her.

It didn't register in Jay's brain until the door was wide open that it wasn't Lauren. It was the last person he expected to see on the other side. The shadow in front of him shifted from foot to foot, and it was hard at first for him to recognize who it was. The petite figure took a small step towards him, and he immediately felt his heart rate pulse.

 _Erin._


	2. Chapter 2

Those moments in life, time just seems to come to a standstill while the world keeps moving. Jay Halstead was having one of those. He felt like he had entered into a time machine as he stared into Erin Lindsay's eyes- the eyes he had gotten lost in so many times.

A long time seemed to pass before either of them said anything, but Jay spent a long time gazing at her. It was difficult to make out her features in the cold Chicago night but he didn't have to study her face: he knew it like the back of his hand. He seemed to contemplate for a long time what he was going to say to her, eventually shoving his hands in his pockets and muttered a simple "hey". He seriously thought about leading with an _"I've missed you"_ but it was too soon for that and his heart couldn't handle that right now.

"Hi," Erin replied, taking a step towards the doorframe and in the process catching the light from the hallway, letting Jay see her face more clearly.

He tried his hardest to be quiet but Erin heard Jay gasp. He tried not to stare but he couldn't take his eyes off her face. It was definitely his partner that stood in front of him- no doubt about that- but the new additions to her face made her hardly recognizable. Jay knew that it was Erin, but to somebody who saw her rarely, she resembled a different person.

Erin's left eye was a mixture of black and purple and there were three dark rings underneath on her cheek. Her eye was so swollen it was almost closed but not completely and Jay swore he could still make out the sparkle he so loved about her eyes. She was still in there. But the bruising wasn't alone. There was a long think cut along one of Lindsay's eyebrows and a shorter thicker one going from the cheekbone to her chin. _This has to have been recent_ Jay thought _these cuts haven't had time to heal._ They were no longer bleeding but they weren't scabbed either- this had happened long ago.

Erin shivered. She could feel Jay glaring at her face and his grin shocked expression confirmed her fears. She tried to pass the shiver off as being cold but she knew what he was staring at. She hadn't seen her face herself but by the look on Jay's face, it was bad.

Jay watched as she folded her arms across her chest, almost to try and hide herself from his view. He'd seen her like this once before- fragile and vulnerable and he was unable to help. That time had been enough for him, this was one too many. They had stood in silence for an eternity and he was about to say something but Erin got there first.

"Jay, I…I'm.."

"Do you wanna come in?" it sort of slipped out, and he found himself saying it before he could stop himself. This was familiar territory: they had both been here many times before but it somehow felt so unfamiliar. It almost felt to Jay that she was coming in the apartment for the first time.

She nodded slowly and stepped into the threshold after Jay, who took a long glance at the cold night before closing the door behind them. He guided her into the front room and closed the door to that as well. Perhaps that would make her feel safe? More secure even, if she could feel that right now.

Things between them were still so complicated but Jay felt obliged to usher her to the sofa. His hand went to the small of her back and she flinched as she felt contact.

"Hey, you're okay" he said

She nodded and bit her lip to stop it from trembling. Erin let him guide her across the room to sit down. He reached for the cuffs of her jacket and pulled the item from her arms. He felt her wince again. Even though the only light in the room was from the lamp on the wall it was light enough for Jay to see why she was so delicate. Jay studied her arms. There were a dozen scratches, some what looked like burns running down both of her arms. Probably some marks from injections thrown in there too. There were more bruises too. Jay traced his little finger across her forearms being careful not to hurt her. The scratches were raised and sharp like somebody had attacked her arms with a foreign object. Her arms tensed as he stroked her arm so he sensed it was time to stop. He let her arm drop and she sank into the couch, almost as though she belonged there.

Erin curled herself into a ball, bringing her knees up to her chin and rocked herself gently. Her eyes slowly rose from the ground to look at Jay who was already looking at her so their eyes locked. No matter how many times they did so, it always made Jay feel some sort of way. It was a feeling he couldn't describe but he knew he wouldn't, and couldn't, feel it with anybody else.

Their gaze was only broken by Jay moving towards the couch himself. He lowered himself to Erin's level and she jumped slightly as he made contact with the seat. Jay scratched his head as he thought of the right thing to say.

"Are you…um I mean, can I get you anything?"

"Water would be good thank you"

"Sure." The conversation felt dry but at least she was speaking to him. Her voice sounded croaky, more croaky than normal, almost as though she hadn't spoken or had anything to drink in days.

Jay got up and went to the kitchen across the hall. He reached into the tallest cupboard and pulled out a glass. He smiled when he saw which glass it was- a goofy Christmas present from Erin with "second greatest cop" written on it. Standing by the fridge and using the dispenser, Jay scratched first his head and then his beard. He wasn't entirely sure how he was going to handle this situation. Did Erin coming here mean she was back as in _back_? He thought for a second and the image of Hank Voight filled his head: oh God did he have to tell Voight? He quickly shook the thought from his mind and made his way back to Erin.

She was curled in a ball again, this time biting on her fingernails. There was extra noise coming from the room because Erin had turned on the TV. _Friends_. He should have known. When she saw Jay with the glass of water it was the most energy Jay had seen her with all night. She practically grabbed the glass from his hands and gulped the water so fast. Jay silenced a chuckle- it was kinda funny how she finished it so quickly.

Jay sat back down next to Erin and again looked at the side of her face, he just couldn't stop looking at her. She was close enough for him to reach for her hand, which he did and she turned to face him.

"Jay, hey I…um…thanks" she looked at him longingly as her pupils glazed over as the first tear threatened to drop.

"You don't have to thank me Erin. Do you want to-"

Erin cut him off and shook her head somewhat violently. He immediately understood.

"Okay, fine no more talking" he motioned for her to move closer and she did. Erin rested her head in his lap as he stroked her cheek. The injuries were still dominating her face but he could get those answers tomorrow.

Right now they were done talking. Jay looked down at her and exhaled. She would occasionally whimper but he thought she was falling asleep. He took hold of her hand and stroked each of her fingers in turn. She seemed to drift slowly into slumber but Jay continued to watch her.

Because as long as he tried to hide it, he missed Erin Lindsay. She needed to feel safe. She needed to feel wanted. And he vowed to be there and stay there for as long as she felt both.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi Guys, thanks so much for reading! This is my first fanfic, so please bear with me :) i'm trying!**

 **A/N: Just so you guys know, the long part italicized is the flashback, what Lauren and Jay were referring to in the first chapter so hope it makes sense!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys have a lovely day and please can you keep reviewing? I wanna know what you guys think, and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!**

The vibration from Jay's trouser pocket woke him with a start. He reached down and pulled his cell into view.

 _Halstead, you gracing us with your presence today?_

Oh fuck. Voight. Amidst all what had happened last night, he had completely forgotten about work. He thought for a moment and typed out a quick response:

 _Sorry, Sarge, might have to use up those last vacation days I have left._

He exhaled as his phone beeped again: _No problem Halstead but is everything okay?_

Jay thought about how to answer: part of him wanted to have no secrets from Hank Voight, the last time that happened he'd left Voight's office with a black eye. But the other half of him was telling him to keep things quiet for right now. He groaned and reached for the keypad again: _Personal stuff. I'll catch you up Monday._

To Jay's relief he didn't get another message and it was only then he finally remembered where he was. His mind had momentarily gone blank but he realized when he tried to move, especially his neck. He must have fallen asleep so awkwardly because he felt unable to move. But then he remembered why he couldn't move. Erin was lying on top of him. She was still sound asleep in his lap, snoring softly. It made Jay smile: she always denied she was a snorer. He made a mental note to record her sometime. He gave her a once over look: her scratches had begun to scab over, and he untangled their fingers to caress them.

Every cut and every ridge he touched raised another question in his head. Who would do this? What reason did someone have to do this? Was she trapped? Did somebody…did somebody-?

Jay's thoughts were broken as he felt Erin stir in his lap. He watched as she rubbed her eyes with her hands and slowly rose to sit up. Her face looked startled, almost as if she had forgotten where she was too. She let out a yawn, shrugged, and then turned to face Jay.

"You should have woke me."

"I wasn't gonna wake you, Erin, you looked like you hadn't slept in days."

And it was true. Hell, even on top of all the injuries Erin had sustained, Jay knew she needed sleep. Hence why he hadn't pushed it last night, but he knew he was going to have to push it this morning.

"We need to talk," he continued

Erin wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him, "I know" she led with. "I'm so sorry"

" _I'm so sorry"_ _that's what she'd said_ _._

 _~ 'Jay, go home.'_

 _Voight was right, he should go home. He was the last member of the unit at the district, and the day was taking its toll. They'd had a shitty case and it had hit Jay hard. The kid cases always did. It was like torture- Jay replayed the moment in his mind- finding those tiny bodies, this one by the silos._

 _He nodded in response to his boss and grabbed his car keys off the side of his desk. It was a good job him and Erin had rode in separately, otherwise he'd be stranded at the district. He made his way out of the building and got in the driver's seat. Before he could put the car in drive, his phone buzzed._

" _Detective Halstead."_

" _Jay, hey, its Aaron-" Jay exhaled._

" _Aaron, what's up?"_

" _I think you should get back to the apartment block…"_

" _Why, what's going on?"_

" _Just do it, Jay, something you gotta see."_

 _With that, his neighbor hung up. Jay cursed under his breath and put the car in drive._

 _It seemed to take an eternity to get home and when Jay finally reached his block, he took the stairs three at a time until he reached his front door. Or, what was left of his front door. The window in the center was smashed into tiny shards of glass and the lock had come completely out of the door frame._

" _Shit!" Jay exclaimed, examining the damage that had been done to his property. His first thought was to try and discover the bastard who'd done this, but as his eyes glanced inside the apartment his thoughts went to his girlfriend._

" _ERIN?" he practically screamed her name as he stepped inside the doorframe._

 _The place had been ransacked- most noticeably the mirror in the hallway. It was smashed and the little tiny pieces were crushed into the carpet. The antiques that belonged on the fireplace were no longer in one piece and his other belongings were strewn all over the floor. "Erin?" he repeated himself, more calmly this time- if she was inside, he didn't want to scare her._

 _Jay thought at first, and second, glance that he had been burgled but he knew how secure his apartment was, nobody who didn't have access would be able to get in here. He traced his finger along the fire place, everything on there had been destroyed- except one thing. The photograph of Jay and his mother still stood in the middle. He noticed though that it wasn't alone. Next to it was an orange post-it: the exact same color Erin used at work. He edged closer and picked it up between his thumb and finger. The paper started swaying, he hadn't realized until now that he was shaking. He forced his eyes to look at the writing:_

 _Jay_

 _I can't do this any more_

 _I wish things were different_

 _I'm so sorry_

 _Erin_

 _Jay stared at the bit of paper in disbelief. He studied it for a while- it was definitely her handwriting but that didn't mean it made sense. He set down the post-it and rubbed his face with both hands. Erin couldn't have done this, she just couldn't. Him and Erin were in a good place- this was half her apartment too. He stormed into the bedroom and searched through the wardrobes and dresser. His worst fears were confirmed: all of her stuff was gone. Not just her clothes but her personal belongings. Jay glanced into the en-suite bathroom- she'd even took her fucking shaver._

 _At that moment, he had no idea how to feel. He sank to his knees, then leant back so he was sitting against the bedroom wall. He cursed to himself over and over as he thought about what Lindsay had done to his –"their"- apartment. Scenarios were playing around in his head, had she left the photo up to mess with him? He scanned the room and had no idea what to think. Perhaps she wasn't the girl he had fallen in love with, perhaps he didn't really know her at all?~_

Erin's fingers waving in front of his face brought him back to reality.

"You said we needed to talk. I'm talking so-"

He interrupted her, still lost in his thoughts: "Why did you leave me like you did, Erin?"

He caught her off guard. "What?!" she replied

"That night two years ago, when you left that note. Why did you leave like that?"

"Jay, I have no idea what you're talking about!" Her face went blank and she didn't take her eyes from Jay's face, she was dumbfounded at the accusation.

"Oh, come ON Erin! That note on your paper you write on at work. _I'm so sorry._ Don't play dumb with me."

"I swear I'm not playing dumb! I-"

Jay stormed out of the room, leaving Erin to think of the words to say to him. _Charming_ she thought.

He returned in the next minute and wafted a faded piece of post it in her face. "This," he breathed out heavily, "This is what I'm talking about!"

Erin grabbed the note and scanned it over. Her eyes glazed over as she realized the conclusion he had jumped to.

"So?" he continued "You gonna tell me why you left me?"

"You think I-" she choked on the worlds as they rose in her throat. Both eyes were glistening as she started to cry "You think I left you?"

Jay weakened his frown and looked at her confused, "It's you're writing, Erin. When I got back that night your stuff was just gone…"

Erin didn't speak for a few minutes. _How could she get him to believe her?_ She silently got up from the couch, picking up her jacket and folding it over her arm.

"I can't BELIEVE you, Jay!" Her voice was breaking and she hated it. She started out in a whisper but began to get louder: "Has it EVER occurred to you that you haven't seen me for two years? Do you not think I would have called, texted you? We were together, Jay, that meant something to me!"

"Then tell me what happened!"

"I can't…I can't do that right now." Erin ran through the apartment towards the front door, not even glancing behind her.

Jay sat and kind of gawped before he got up. DAMN IT ERIN he said to himself, realizing she wasn't inside anymore. But he wasn't going to let her run from him. Not again. He grabbed the car fob and headed for the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Jay was so wrapped up in his thoughts he hardly noticed the obstacle in his doorway.

"I ran out on you then realized, um, I don't have anywhere to go." Erin shrugged then looked down at the floor. She was perched against the door with her jacket around her shoulders. Jay could see that she was shivering, and it probably wasn't because of the weather. She ran her fingers up and down her arms, trying to calm her goosebumps.

Jay took a second to gaze at her. He wasn't used to seeing her so broken. She was hollow and she was weak. He wanted- needed- to change that. In a surprisingly comfortable silence Jay led Erin back into the apartment. He had so many questions for her, he just didn't know how to approach this subject.

He guided her to the sofa- the one where they'd spent the night- and gently pushed her shoulders so she sat. He bent to take off her shoes and she didn't object, just tucked her legs underneath herself after he did so. He removed the jacket from her shoulders and grabbed the couch throwover to drape across her body.

"You're freezing."

"I'll be fine. Thanks, Jay" she moved the blanket further, up to her shoulders. To give herself more room, she moved her legs from underneath her and rested them on Jay's lap. He had taken the other side of the couch. He didn't seem to mind her movement- he even placed a protective hand on her thigh. Unbeknown to him, it made her tingle all over, the fact that he was even touching her. She didn't want to start talking but she knew her partner deserved answers.

"I guess I owe you answers, huh."

"Er, I'm sorry to make you talk but I just I need to know." He gulped. The worst of situations were already going through his mind- had she been abducted? Abused? Worse?

"Before I tell you, I just have one question for you"

"Me? Shoot."

"Who was that blonde girl I saw legging it from your apartment last night? I, I didn't want to ask, it's none of my business but I guess I'm curious."

 _Shit_. Lauren, he thought. He didn't know at first how he was going to answer. But she wasn't about to lie to her, that wouldn't get them anywhere.

"She's uh, my girlfriend…EX girlfriend. Why"

Erin ignored his question and continued "Oh I see. Ex?"

"Yeah, that running away you saw? Yeah she broke up with me."

"Oh" she shrugged "Mind if I ask why?"

"You can, but we need beer for this." That earned him an Erin Lindsay grin. He scooped her legs to the side and hurried into the kitchen. He quickly came back armed with two Budweiser's and handed one to Erin.

"so?"

"I, uh.." Jay watched as Erin took a sip of her beer "I kind of shouted your name while we were having sex."

A fountain of liquid sprayed all over Jay's face as Erin spat out the contents of her mouth.

"You did WHAT?!" she hadn't been expecting that. She let out a single childish giggle and wiped Jay's cheek with her tank. The glimpse of skin around her torso caused Jay to tense up. "Sorry about that"

"Ha, its fine. I guess you weren't expecting that. It's not something to spring on somebody suddenly."

"No," she continued "it most certainly is not" she gulped another mouthful of her beer "Well I suppose that'll do it" she laughed again.

"Oh I'm glad you find my relationship problems funny _Lindsay_ " He teased her playfully, pretending to be pissed. In reality, he was super happy to head Erin laugh. He missed it.

Erin's face went grave and her grip against the bottle tightened "Sorry" she muttered

"Quit apologizing you dork, I was joking. About being pissed, the rest was all true." Now it was Jay's turn to chuckle.

They both collapsed into a fit of giggles, almost childlike. It was almost as though they hadn't been away from each other and they were falling back into old habits. Erin slowly edged closer to Jay's body, eventually resting against Jay's chest. He hated to ruin the moment but he knew he had to push it.

"Okay partner, I hate to ruin the party but you got your answers from me. I need mine." He realized he sounds kinda sceptical: he had no idea where the conversation was headed.

Erin groaned as she lifted her head from Jay's body. She whispered his name as she took one of her index fingers and gently caressed his cheek.

"Jay, I have no idea where to start"

He pulled her hands from his face and placed both of hers in his own.

"The beginning"

 **0000000000000000000**

Jay sighed. It was almost too much for him to handle. It caused him to pace around the room.

"So you were working undercover? All this time?"

She nodded.

"And you couldn't tell me?"

She nodded.

"And Voight knew?"

Another nod.

He had so many questions and yet none would come to his lips. They all got stuck in his throat. In a way he was glad- she was okay after all. But at the same time God he was still **so** confused.

"Say something Jay"

"I just, I'm glad you're okay but-"

"But you wanna know every single detail." She could read him like a book and it still somehow managed to surprise her. Jay didn't do anything but nod. He stopped the pacing and stood square in front of her. "Do you remember Logan Gibson-Jones?"

 _Logan Gibson-Jones._ The name stung him like a knife. Of course he remembered Logan Gibson-Jones, the bastard son-of-a-bitch. It had been a major case three years ago when Gibson-Jones had been found guilty of extreme human trafficking and creating prostitution rings. The thought of the case made Jay gag: the exposure of teen and young girls from third world countries was something he hadn't wanted to witness. Those were the type of cases that exposed Jay's sensitive side: the ones where the victims are so innocent and unaware of their actions.

"He escaped Jay. He paid off his prison guard and he got out of his cell. Voight and me- we've been working to find him."

"Why couldn't we have worked on this as a unit?"

Erin exhaled, she knew he would ask this. "It was Voight's idea. He thought the less attention we drew to this, it would be easier to catch him in the act. I swear I thought I was doing the right thing, Jay. I didn't agree with it at first but Hank, he was dead set on this and he, he persuaded me."

She took a moment to compose herself. She hadn't even noticed that she was shaking, her whole body a quivering mess.

"You didn't call, Erin, you didn't even text."

"We had to make it as real as possible Jay. I didn't take my cell I left it with Hank- he must have trashed it or something. Logan had my number, I don't know where he got it. Believe me… it _killed_ me not being able to talk to you, to see you, to hold you."

She was sobbing now, the tears on her face falling at dramatic speed. Her words were barely audible and she could hardly breathe. Jay was torn in two: he was relieved and he was pissed. He wanted to hug her and he wanted to scold her. He had one more burning question before he could do any of that.

"And the note?"

"Huh?" she looked temporarily confused.

"The note. On the fireplace. In your handwriting." His breathing was labored.

"Oh." Erin sniffed, got up from the couch and grabbed hold of his hand, leading him back towards the couch. "Please" she practically begged "please, you should sit down. There's one more thing-"

"What is it Er-"

The vibration of Jay's phone interrupted them. A text from Will Halstead flashed up on the screen. Jay's brow furrowed as he studied it.

 _Hey little bro, you might wanna turn on the news. Fast._

Jay frowned but followed his brother's orders all the same. He watched the drama unfold, not noticing Erin realizing the screen and hiding behind her hands.

" _We have new reports today that 31-year-old fugitive Logan Gibson-Jones is on the run. It has recently been confirmed by the Chicago Police Department that Gibson-Jones is leading a new trafficking ring on the outskirts of the city. Police are appealing for help looking for him along with his long term girlfriend 28-year-old Lauren Westberg from New York. Any information, please contact-"_

"OH MY GOD, FUCK!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi Guys,**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews, you're all so sweet!**

 **So here is Chapter 5, I promise that now I have the story established, the chapters will be longer!**

 **Please keep reviewing!:)**

"Jay. JAY! Calm down!"

"How the fuck am I supposed to stay calm? The past two years of my life have been a lie!" He threw the empty beer bottle at his side across the room, and starting pacing.

Erin flinched, as she darted out the way of the glass, watching as it shattered into millions of pieces when it hit the wall. She watched as Jay walked left and right across the length of the room- doing it so much she thought he was gonna put a hole in the floor. She watched him as he breathed- inhaled and exhaled, inhaled and exhaled- like he was panting. It felt like a decade had passed before he made eye contact and said something:

"Did you know?"

"About what?" she asked softly, being careful not to agitate him more than he already was. At this point, he could be asking about anything so she waited for his next comment.

"About…Lauren," Jay spoke through gritted teeth as he came to stand still in front of her. "Did you know?"

"Jay, I-"

"DAMN IT. Erin!" He knew the answer before she had the chance to finish. He threw up his arms in disbelief, still trying to get his head around the situation. He didn't say anything else, just stormed off into the kitchen. Erin slowly followed him, and found him clenching his fists on the countertop.

"Please, just let me explain." He looked at her then, she could see his eyes glossing over. He didn't speak but slowly nodded. It wasn't hard to see how much he appeared to be hurting.

Erin stepped forward and closed the gap between them. She placed one of her own hands over his- almost jumping because he was radiating so much heat. She sighed and took a deep breath.

"I agreed to this mission to try and keep everybody safe. I didn't want any more girls to die, or be used as bait so I thought I could pose as bait myself for Logan. But he's gotten so much worse. I pretended to reach out to Logan, and he believed me at first. I was so close to getting him, Jay, but then he started seeing Lauren. She came into my room one night and she must have recognized me from that night at Molly's." _One of our last night's together_ Erin thought, but didn't say out loud.

Jay didn't give a verbal response so Erin continued "I swear on everything, Jay, that's why I came back. I promise I made my way back to you as soon as I found out-"

"I don't want to talk about Lauren."

"Please just let me finish."

Jay looked resigned but smiled all the same "Okay" was his only response.

"So Lauren must have known who I was. I caught her snooping around my room in Logan's ' _venue'_ and figured she must have known who I was. I decided to do the same- don't look at me like that, you would have done the same- so I got hold of her cell. There were messages on there and my heart jumped when I recognized your number. I knew something was wrong and I knew you wouldn't know she was with Logan. I swear after discovering that, I've never ran so fast. I know Hank will be pissed that I blew my cover but all I could think about was you. Lauren is dangerous and I…I had to get to you-"

Erin was so busy reeling off her story that she failed to notice Jay's face was dangerously close to her own. She only figured it out when he interrupted her tale with his mouth. _She was thinking about him all this time._ Their lips only locked for a second but it was enough. Erin felt her legs go weak and it still shocked her that he could do that to her. There was something about Jay Halstead that turned her into a shuddering mess of jelly.

"Uh, sorry don't know what came over me" Jay pulled back, but he didn't do anything to mask the smile that still remained on his lips.

"It's okay" Erin reassured, secretly hoping he didn't regret it either. She tried to play it cool but she was still unsure of she could move. She realized she'd overloaded him with information. "Are you okay?"

"I will be." He freed his hand from underneath hers and stroked her fingers with his index one. He traced over her cuts and bruises, like he had done the night before. Her battle wounds.

"How did you get these?" He was still so curious.

"Me and Lauren got into a fight over you."

"Not funny."

She giggled for a second but then noticed his expression. Perhaps he still wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"The undercover operation had to look as real as possible. I was basically one of his girls, Jay. He would take each of us in turn and use us as his release, like human punch bags." She watched as his eyes went wide and studied her skin. "I'm okay, honestly, they look worse than they feel."

"Oh really," Jay shook his head: she didn't sound, or look, too convincing. She still winced when she moved a certain way. He had witnessed her whimpering through the night in her sleep, he didn't believe her one bit.

"Yeah. Really" she stuck her tongue out playfully. "I'm lucky these are the only scars I have. Some of the other girls in there…"

"You did everything you could, Er" He caressed her cheek to reassure her. "Sooo, what happens next?"

"What happens next is I tell Voight I'm back."

"You haven't told him yet?!"

"I told you, I came straight here to tell you about Lauren. I didn't have time to call him considering I don't have a cell."

Jay reached into his jeans, pulled out the phone and handed it to Erin.

"He deserves to know."

"I know. Thanks Jay." She motioned to the phone and scurried back into the other room.

Jay backed away from the counter top and slowly sat on one of the bar stools. He rested his head in his hands and put his elbows on the table top. Being alone, he was able to think. He thought about the situation that has just unfolded, it was all so complicated. But he thought about the danger Erin had put herself in, and the damage he – that bastard – had done to her body. It killed him that he hadn't been there as her backup and he was kinda pissed Hank had kept this from him. Yet, she was fortunate enough to not meet the same fate as some of the girls. At the same time, he supposed he had to be thankful that she came back to him. And she was here. And here was good.

"Earth to Jay, are you in there?"

"I… uh got lost in my thoughts."

"As I can see" she smirked "So Hank is fine. I told him everything I figured out. He said he was glad I was back safe."

 _So am I_ thought Jay.

"He asked where I was going to stay and I said, um, yours"

"You did?"

"I mean only if it's okay. I'll take the couch. It's just I don't have anywhere to go just yet. But I could totally go to Hank's if you want me to-"

"Erin stop" he almost chuckled "you being here is absolutely fine by me."

Erin grinned. She was (not so) secretly glad. Jay, and his apartment, were the first things on her mind when she ran from Logan's. As long as she could get there – here – she didn't want to be anywhere else.

He returned her grin. "So…pizza?"

"Pizza."

 **000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

"I don't think I've ever been this full in my entire life."

"Oh I beg to differ Erin Lindsay. What about that time we visited that Italian restaurant on 12th street? You had your own three courses and finished my dessert. Then you came back and ordered takeout."

"Okay that was one time. And you remember that?"

"Of course I remember."

Jay pulled her closer on the couch so her head was resting in his lap. They had been away from each other for so long but it felt more comfortable than ever. He began playing with her curls as they fell over her face.

"You know, I thought I was in love with her."

"Hmm?"

"Lauren," Erin shuddered at the sound of her name "I thought I was in love with her."

"You thought? You were together for two years-"

"Only to me. I was just a game to her. So yeah I _thought_. Truth is, I've only ever been in love with one."

"You have?"

"Yeah." That was all Jay gave her, but it made her smile all the same.

"So I guess we have a bastard to catch, huh?"

"You got it partner. I think there's some people at the district that'll wanna see you."

Erin smiled. It was good to be back.

 **00000000000000000000000000000000000**

The silver Honda outside the block of apartments flicked off the lights and killed the engine. Lauren Westberg took out a pair of binoculars and stared through them into that apartment on the third floor. That was the good thing about black-out windows: you could see them, they couldn't see you. She watched the two detectives laughing at something on where she knew the television was in Jay Halstead's apartment. _Didn't take them long_ she thought.

Tonight was gonna be fun.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Guys, so here's chapter 6!**

 **Please review if you can :)**

The air around Jay Halstead felt cold. Really cold. It was eerily cold, and it gave the room the most unwelcoming feeling. It took him a couple of seconds to realize why he was feeling so cold. He was alone, and he hadn't been alone when he had fallen asleep. He groaned to himself. _No_ he thought _she can't have left again._

"Erin?" He was met with a deadly silence. "Er?" Nothing.

Jay rose from the couch and cracked his neck. He was just about to call a third time, when he turned his head and noticed why he had woken with such a chill. His attention was drawn to the apartment front door. It was unbolted and ajar. _Weird._ He could have sworn it was locked- in fact, he knew it had been locked. He'd made sure it was locked so Erin would feel safe after what she'd been through.

He slowly made his way to examine the front door, it had definitely been opened. He reached under the plant that was at the front door- the place he knew he kept the spare key. It was gone. _Shit._ Aside from Erin and himself, there was only one other person who knew where he kept the spare key. _Fuck._

Jay wanted to scream, shout and throw up all at the same time. He also wanted to punch the wall or something but he knew that wouldn't help. His mind went to the worst of places- Lauren having access and Erin not being here. His head was spinning and he wanted to throw up.

He needed a glass of water. Fast. He made his way into the kitchen, after closing the door, and almost collapsed in horror.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

 **000000000000000000000000000**

Erin ran. She ran faster than she'd ever ran in her life. Even faster than she ran to Jay's apartment after escaping from Logan's. If that was possible. Her face was dripping with sweat, her mouth was bone dry and she hadn't even had time to put on a bra. She was still wearing the clothes she had slept in, and she was probably wearing odd sneakers.

She was running so fast that she reached her destination in next to no time. She stopped to take a breath in front of the porch. Her knuckles were white from running, and what/who she had encountered this morning but she brought them to the door knocker. Hard. She must have knocked, with all the strength left in her, ten or so times. It felt like an age had passed before a shadow appeared behind the glass.

"Kid, hey! I've missed y-"

"Small talk can wait, Hank," she panted "Right now I really need your help."

 **000000000000000000000000000**

She cocked her head to the side. "Hello _Jaaaay_." The emphasis she put on his name made him feel physically sick.

"I said what the fuck are you doing here?!" He repeated. He spoke through gritted teeth so he knew how aggressive he sounded. He squared up his shoulders and frowned while he waited for an answer.

"Just wanted to catch up with my favorite detective," she replied with a stupid grin on her smug face. "Oops, sorry, _second_ favorite detective after Miss Lindsay of course." She put so much emphasis on her name it came out in a sort of hiss.

Shit. _Erin._ His mind went back to his partner. He felt himself tense up.

"Where the fuck is she? I swear if you've-"

"Oh, relax Jay I didn't do anything to hurt your silly little girlfriend."

He exhaled a litter, hoping she was telling the truth. But his head was still pounding and he was still furious. Lauren was standing in his kitchen. Acting all innocent. Even after everything she'd done.

Jay was about to correct her on the girlfriend part, but quickly stopped himself. She didn't need to know, it was none of her business. For all she knew, yeah, they could have been together.

"So then where the hell is she?" He was slowly losing his patience with her, not that he had much to begin with.

"How am I supposed to know your girlfriend's whereabouts," she cocked her head to the side again, something that made Jay hate her even more. "I did see her this morning though," she gave Halstead one of her stupid smirks. "I was going to play nice but she didn't want to play along. I almost had her too, but she sprinted straight past me. But not before she gave me _this_." Lauren finished her sentence through gritted teeth as she pointed to her swollen cheek. It was starting to go red and looked like it had been bleeding a little.

Jay smiled to himself. _Get it girl_ he thought. He made no move to hide his facial expression as Lauren continued to talk.

"I'm telling you the next time I see her-"

"I don't think you want to finish that sentence." His eyes narrowed, so much so that they looked like slits. "You say one more thing against Erin and I'll make you wish you never set foot in this apartment."

"Wow, somebody's touchy. Did I hit a nerve Detective Halstead?"

"Now's the time to shut up Lauren. You have no right to say anything about Erin. You don't know her."

"Oh but I do Jay. You're forgetting she lived with my boyfriend. You know, the one she left you for. Do you really think you were a thought on her mind Jay, when she was pleasuring him, making him happy? When she was acting like a total _slut_ to make him excited?"

"Shut up!" the anger was building up inside of him. _Don't let her get to you, don't let her get to you._ "Shut your stupid lying mouth."

"Hey I'm not lying to you Jay. I can prove it. I saw it. Saw her in her underwear with her legs wrapped around Logan. You should have seen how much she was enjoying it."

Jay wanted to gag. She actually made his skin crawl. All that was going through his mind was the thought he'd wasted two years of his life on this girl. Two years he could have been fighting for the girl he really wanted to be with.

"I should have asked her for tips actually Jay. She always seemed to satisfy Logan in the bedroom department-"

Before Jay even had time to register what he was doing, he had darted across the room and practically pinned Lauren against the wall. He could hear her struggling to breathe but right now he didn't care. She needed to pay for what she was putting him through. The images running through his mind involved Erin and Logan, and it made him sick to the stomach.

He was so focused on making her suffer that he failed, at first, to recognize the door slamming in the background.

"JAY!"

 _Erin._ He thought he was hallucinating at first. Until he heard it again.

"Jay, stop!" He felt a shadow rush to his side, and fight to free his hands from what he was doing. "Jay, let go. She's not worth it!"

"You didn't hear what she's been saying. About you." He sort of spat out the words because his teeth were still clamped together.

"Jay, please," it was almost as though she was pleading "You don't want to do this. I… I need you not to do this." The last line came out in a whisper and it automatically changed something within Jay. He released his grip on Lauren's neck, who began heavy panting.

 _She needed him_. That's all she'd had to say, and he melted at the words. He needed to hear it. After all, he felt the same.

"Lauren, me and you are gonna take a trip to the station." It was the first time Voight had spoken up and it startled Jay because he hadn't even heard him come in. He passed Jay and patted him on the shoulder. Hank moved to handcuff Lauren before she had the chance to escape. She still didn't look defeated.

"Okay I have to pee then Halstead and I will follow you to the district." Erin said as she made her way out of the room. She momentarily stopped when she walked in front of Lauren to glare at her with anger in her eyes.

Voight began to walk Lauren out of the apartment, but she paused when she came face to face with Jay.

"Oh, one more thing" she narrowed her eyes. "I'm pregnant. And well, Logan can't have children. So I'm guessing it's yours."

 **Ooo, cliffhanger! I'm sorry to leave you guys on such a hook but I can't have it all be fine cause then you'd stop reading lol! Please stick with me though, I think you'll like the next chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**OMG OMG OMG Thank you so much for all the reviews! You have no idea how much they mean to me!**

 **So here is Chapter 7, this one was one of my favs to write so I hope you enjoy it!**

 **I'm also sorry it's quite fragmented, but I wanted to get a lot of content in!**

 **Please review (:**

Erin whistled a tune to herself as she exited the bathroom. She couldn't help it, she felt relief. _One down, one to go_ she thought. They had Lauren, now all they needed to do was locate Logan.

She reached the door of the kitchen to tell Halstead to get moving, but stopped when she caught sight of him. He was pacing the length of the room, his hands in fists and his face ghostly white. He looked like he was going to pass out, scream or something. She approached him with caution: he seemed so wrapped up in his own thoughts he failed to notice her entrance.

"Hey, it's almost over" she began, "We got her."

Jay stopped with the pacing but didn't speak. He came to a standstill in front of her, but his expression was still unrecognizable. She'd never seen him with a face like this before: it looked like a mixture of despair and distraught.

"It's almost over" she repeated, in case he hadn't registered it the first time.

"It's not, it's just the beginning." It came out little more than a whisper, as though he didn't want to say it. Or want her to hear it.

"No," she paused to place her hand over his own. He flinched at the contact. She did too: his skin was on fire. "We got her Jay, she can't do anything else to hurt y-"

"She's pregnant." The words fell from his mouth like he wanted rid of them. He didn't want to see Erin's reaction so his eyes fell to the floor. He felt her hand drop from his own.

"W-what?" it was her turn to whisper, and Jay could hear her trying to mask the hurt in her voice.

He didn't know what to reply and neither of them spoke for a minute. The silence was deafening so Jay took it as a cue to look up, his eyes automatically falling on Erin. She stood looking out of the window, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Her face looked drained of color- the only color being crimson, appearing on her bottom lip. She was biting down so hard she had broken thee skin, but if she stopped biting so hard, the tears would start to fall.

Seeing her like this, it broke Jay in half. He immediately regretted telling her like this- springing it on her- but he couldn't have her hearing it from somebody else.

 _This wasn't supposed to be happening. It was supposed to be those two. Together through everything._

Erin eventually turned to Jay with a forced broken smile. He returned it, but could still see the pain in her eyes.

"It's yours?"

He nodded.

"Wow, um I'm shocked but congrats.. I guess."

He shrugged. "Erin-"

"Can we talk more about this later? We should get to the district, help try and catch Logan."

Jay nodded again and followed her out of the apartment, grabbing his car key from the counter top.

 **0000000000000000000000000000000**

It took all of Erin's willpower not to burst into tears on the car journey to the district. She couldn't have Jay see how broken she was by this news, how much it affected her. He probably knew anyway but if he did, he didn't say anything.

The ride to work was somewhat uncomfortable: the two detectives sat in silence and it was a relief when they reached the station.

"Oh crap, no-one knows I'm back yet?"

"Huh?"

"The unit," Erin realized "Nobody knows I'm back."

"I'm sure Hank's told them." He buzzed them through the gate.

"Oh… I guess." She stole a glance in his direction, he had a solemn look on his face.

"Her Er," he started, catching her looking at him "Can I ask a favor? Can we not mention this _thing_ to anyone yet?"

She gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "Of course."

Jay gave her one last half smile before they reached the top of the stairs.

"Thanks partner."

 **00000000000000000000000000000000**

"Erin, hey!"

"Lindsay, man, it's good to see you!"

She nodded in response to everybody just as Ruzek returned from the bathroom. His jaw dropped when he saw her.

"Lindsay what the hell man!" He scooped her into a bear hug. "Wait, did everyone know? Why am I always the last to know? I thought you were a goner!"

"Nice to see you too Adam," Erin laughed to herself. "You have no idea how much I missed you guys."

"Oh we know someone who missed you more," Adam replied, raising an eyebrow at Halstead, who shot him a rude hand gesture in return.

"Oh piss off Ruzek" Jay chuckled, although he knew fine well it was true. He shot his eyes in Lindsay's direction who already had her eyes set on him.

Their gaze was interrupted bu Voight's office door opening. He stepped out and scanned his eyes around his Intelligence Unit. They were a good bunch, but he had no idea how they were going to take the news he was about to deliver them.

 **00000000000000000000000000000000**

"Are you crazy? Absolutely not, no way. No fucking way!"

Everyone had taken the news surprisingly well, except Halstead. He hadn't meant to swear at his boss, but he was already so tense from this morning. What Voight suggested had just angered him even more. His anger caused him to jump from his chair. Erin was eyeing his every move.

She studied his body language- he almost looked ready for a fight. She could make out the veins on his arms looking as though they were ready to protrude from his skin. Even _she_ hadn't reacted as much as her partner and it was _her_ whom this news affected the most. Just thinking about it sent shudders down her spine.

"Halstead," Voight finally spoke up, interrupting Erin's thoughts "My office. _Now._ "

Jay was so fired up it took him only two strides to get inside the office. It took everything within Erin to not go up to the door, put her ear against it and listen in.

 **0000000000000000000000000000000**

"You wanna keep your job in this unit, you quit talking to me like that."

Jay sank down in the chair opposite Hank. "I'm sorry, Sarge, but you don't understand-"

Voight interrupted him "I get it. Listen, I know this whole Erin/Lauren/Logan thing- I know I left you in the dark but you have to know-"

"I was in love with her Hank"

"I know you were." Voight leaned forward over his desk and stared at Halstead, "But she's a mess Jay. You don't want to be involved with somebody like that."

"I'm not talking about _Lauren._ "

The realization set in on Hank's face. "Oh."

"So this plan you have, to send Erin back undercover… Yeah, I'm not down. You didn't see her when she turned up at my place. She was a mess, she seemed broken. She jumped out of her skin every time I touched her. She was used-"

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"See, I knew she wouldn't tell you. She didn't want to disappoint you Hank. She has this front she puts up but you and I both know what she's like underneath. She's been through a lot and she's vulnerable. But you know for a fact she won't tell you. So that's what _I'm_ telling you, you can't make her go back there. You just can't."

Jay could feel himself getting emotional and he didn't care. He couldn't bear the thought of being away from Erin again, especially if she was going back _there_.

"I just thought you guys were dating. I didn't know you were in love with her."

"Yeah." Jay looked down at the floor.

Their conversation was cut off by Halstead's phone. Will's name flashed up on the screen. "Mind if I take this?"

"Of course, Jay."

Jay nodded at his boss then exited the office, closing the door behind him.

"Hey bro, what's up?"

 **00000000000000000000000000000**

Erin watched as Jay ran down the stairs, his cell attached to his ear. _At least he looked less angry than he did when he went into the office._ But she'd have to wait to see what the conversation was about.

She was searching on the computer when a text pinged through on her phone. It was Jay:

 _Hey Er_

 _I cut out early cause I have something to do_

 _See you at my place after work?_

He had _something to do_. Erin hoped and prayed he wasn't gonna do anything stupid. The anticipation was actually killing her. All she wanted to do was cut out early too and find out exactly what he was up to. Yet, she also wanted to stay and find a way to get to Logan. She typed out a simple "sounds good" and hit send.

 **0000000000000000000000000000**

It seemed to take forever to get to the end of the day. Jay was on Erin's mind for the rest of the day, and she could hardly concentrate on her work. She looked at the clock as it finally hit 6pm and she reached for her coat to head to the car. She had no idea how Halstead had got home, but the car was still outside for her, so she started the engine and put it in drive.

She was so eager to make it back to the apartment that she must have sped all the way home. Not much of an example for people, but she didn't care. She reached Jay's apartment and knocked on the door. He answered within seconds and ushered her into the lounge.

He looked like a completely different person, from the man who had accompanied her to work this morning. The color was back in his face and his posture was so relaxed. He stood by her wearing just a pair of pyjama bottoms, revealing to her his tensed torso and chiselled features. He looked _hot._

Erin pretended not to notice. "So," she stood in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Are you gonna tell me what went on today?" She tried to pretend to be pissed but she couldn't.

"Mhmm."

"I'm waiting" she raised an eyebrow

"In a sec." he grinned. One of those stupid grins that Erin secretly loved. "I spoke to my brother today." Another grin. "I have something to tell you."

 **Do you guys like being left with the cliffhangers? Does it make you wanna keep reading? Or should I stop lol let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey Guys, thank you so much for the reviews! I am so overwhelmed by the response this story is getting so thank you!**

 **A/N: This chapter is rated M! Please review after you've read :)**

"Well?" Erin was getting impatient. She wanted to know what was going on but Jay was just standing there grinning at her. He didn't say anything but walked over to her, closing the gap between them. It sent shivers down Erin's spine as he leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

"It's Lauren," he said "She's not pregnant." He said it as though it wasn't anything big, but to Erin it meant everything.

"You're sure?" she needed to know, before she made her next move.

"Positive." Jay grinned "Will called. Lauren was sent to the hospital because of what she said when she was leaving. They did tests and she's not p-"

Erin didn't give him time to finish before she captured his lips in hers. She'd waited too long to return the kiss he had pressed on her the other night.

It took Jay by surprise at first, but he returned her gesture and his hands automatically went to cup her face. That was their thing. She ran her fingers through his hair and he groaned in response.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jay wanted this more than anything, but her life for the past two years was on his mind. He wasn't going to let himself get angry but he couldn't help thinking about Logan- what if he'd touched her like this? What if he'd hurt her? And what if Jay hurt her now?

"Jay," her breathing was labored- she was already getting lost in him- "I've waited two years to do this, to see you to touch you to kiss you. I'm pretty sure I wanna do this, yeah." She smiled as she looked at Jay's expression. He was so thoughtful, so protective of her. Even after all this time. She felt so lucky, not only was he her boyfriend (well soon again hopefully) but he was her best friend. She kinda felt dirty having the thoughts currently going round in her mind- wanting to take him into their bedroom and fuck him over and over- while he was, seemingly, thinking about protecting her.

She must have let her thoughts show on her face because Jay spoke up:

"What are you thinking about Erin Lindsay?" he smirked.

"You," she couldn't hide it. "Your smile, your body, your protective streak, your _ahem_ " she swallowed and let her eyes dance down to the fastening of his pants.

Before she knew what was happening, Jay lifted her fireman style and made his way into the bedroom.

"You pretending to be Kelly, Halstead?" she giggled.

He playfully slapped her thigh and gritted his teeth. "Uncalled for. Now is _not_ the time for jokes about ex-boyfriends Er."

"Oh, I'm sorry did I hurt your feelings?"

"Not for a second" he put her down next to the wall and placed an arm either side of her, trapping her in his embrace. "He didn't stand a chance against me."

"Probably true." She wriggled free and placed her hands on Jay's bare chest. She could feel his heart racing. He already had a head start on her- he was stripped of half of his clothes.

Erin's thoughts spiralled her brain. There was something about Jay Halstead that heightened her senses. When she was around him, lost in him, she felt more alive than she ever thought she could.

She could _smell_ him. He still wore that cologne she had bought him one year for Christmas. Before they had even started dating. It was his smell and she couldn't get enough of it.

She could _see_ him. It still amazed her that, with one glance, she could get lost in the sea of green that were his eyes. Whenever they made eye contact, it was like he was staring right into her soul, and it gave her goose bumps every time.

She could _hear_ him. " _Erin, Erin, Erin."_ Like she was the only thing on his mind. Chanting her name over and over, and it only turned her on even more.

She could _feel_ him. That's what she had missed the most. The feeling of his arms around her, his torso against her and his dick inside her. When she was undercover, she often wondered if she would get to touch him again. She thanked God that she did.

Finally, she could _taste_ him. Their mouths were able to explore one another, delving deeper into crevices they had never been before. She didn't care if she could taste the sandwich he had for lunch, she just needed to be there. Here. With him.

Jay dragged her out of her thoughts by tugging at her tank top. "Off." He stated simply.

She lifted her arms over her head so Jay could remove the article from her body. He let out a gasp as he came into contact with her bare skin, skin he hadn't been allowed to see, touch, caress in a very long time.

He led her over to the bed and gently pushed her so she was lying down, her curls falling over her face. His hands made quick work of the zipper on her jeans and he pulled the material down her slender legs. Jay sucked on his teeth as he gazed at Erin in her underwear.

The thought had often crossed his mind that he would never see her again. Two years was a hell of a long time to him, and he couldn't believe he was really here again. With her.

Jay balanced himself on top of her and started to fiddle with her underwear- as nice as they were, he craved what was underneath. He wanted them _off._

Erin perched herself on her elbows, giving him better access to her body. She felt him unhook her bra as her pert breasts fell into sight. She threw her head back as he took them both in his hands. The feel of his hands on her complimented her body, they were the perfect fit. She groaned with anticipation as he stopped what he was doing to give attention to her panties. Within seconds, they were on the floor and forgotten about. Erin could see the desire and want in his eyes. They both needed this.

Erin wanted more. She was already naked, and he was still wearing clothes. She flipped them over to straddle him, her long legs positioned either side of his torso.

"Do you have any-"

"Top. Drawer." Jay spoke through gritted teeth, stopping himself from screaming out.

Erin reached across to grab what she was looking for, tearing the packet open with her teeth. Tossing the packaging on the floor, she unravelled the condom and rolled it down Jay's already hard penis. She put her hands either side of his body and slid herself gently on top of him. Starting slowly, she grinded against him, almost letting him go all the way out then thrusting back so he was deep inside her.

Jay could hardly breathe, he forgot how good making love to Erin was. The feeling of her walls closed tightly around him was enough to send him over the edge. _Not yet_ he begged himself _he wanted this to last._

He flipped them once again so he was on top of her. Like he was in control. But, the sight of having her beneath him gave him visions: was this what it looked like when Logan was in control? He tried to block the image out of his mind but failed.

Erin felt him tense up. "Hey, what's up?" she sat up as he moved off her. "What's the matter?"

"I just I … I don't want to hurt you."

She pursed her lips "You're not going to hurt me. I want this."

"I want this too, Er. But I can't stop thinking about Logan doing this to you. I don't want this moment to remind you of those nights-"

"Jay, stop." She appreciated his concern, she really did. But right now he didn't need to be concerned. "Logan never fucked me Jay, I need you to fuck me."

He took her word for it. With his left hand, he grabbed both of her and held them above her head. Like they were locked in place. His free hand manoeuvred himself to Erin's entrance. She bit her lower lip as she awaited Jay's next move and that only turned him on even more. He took in a breath and thrust inside her. Hard.

Erin screamed out his name as he continued his movements on top of her body. " _Jaaaay!"_

"That's it, Er. Let me in, let me all the way in." he managed to say, between pants. She obliged and spread her legs further, giving him access to all of her. He continued his pounding until he felt her gently shaking and saw her gripping the sheets.

"Oh My _God_ " she practically spat out the words as her orgasm took over her body. He grinned to himself as he came close himself. It took a couple more thrusts into her until he reached Erin's level. He felt himself shoot into the condom and then he rolled off of her, sweating and panting.

"Well shit," Jay whispered "I forgot how much I missed that. And you."

Erin took a few moments to cath her breath. "Right?" she giggled.

They lay entwined in one another for a few minutes until Erin turned on her side to face him. She caressed his face as she spoke: "What was your conversation with Hank?"

"Damn Erin Lindsay, you use me for sex to get information out of me."

She slapped his chest. "Tell me," she pleaded.

"I was telling him not to send you undercover again. I can't lose you again, that's not an option for me. I just got you back." Jay leaned closer and wrapped her into a protective embrace.

"Hey, stop." She could sense the panic in his voice and she didn't like it. She nuzzled against his neck as he held her close. "But I was thinking-"

"No Erin." Jay was pleading with her. He didn't know what to do or say to convince her.

"Listen to me," she continued "I almost caught him the last time I was there. I have a duty as a police officer. I'm not one to boast but I'm good police. There's a reason Hank sent me undercover. And I promise, you won't lose me. I'll come back to you, I'll always come back to you." She was scared to look at his reaction to what she had just said but she forced herself to look up anyway. He looked hurt, but there was another emotion present in his face. An expression she couldn't place.

He moved closer, if that was possible, and kissed her forehead.

"No no no. The only way you're going back undercover," he looked her directly in the eye "is if I'm going with you."


	9. Chapter 9

The Chicago sunshine sneaking through the blinds woke Jay with a start.

Last night had been amazing. Obviously he'd missed the sex part, but being able to hold her, touch her and please her had made him feel electric. The fact that Erin had fallen asleep in his arms last night was an added bonus, he never wanted to let her go again.

He yawned, stretched and rotated his body to the other side, wanting to be reminded of the reason why he had woken up so happy this morning. He felt a slight chill when he flipped his body.

To his dismay, the other side of the bed was empty.

The feeling felt all too familiar. He was about to let himself panic when he heard the shower start running.

 _Thank God._

He pulled back the covers and forced his body off the mattress. He tried the bathroom door but it was locked.

He had the need and desire to see her, to see her body. The fact she was preventing him from doing so only deepened his craving. Jay gritted his teeth and pushed against the doorframe.

"Er, let me in."

Erin pretended not to hear him as she stripped herself of Jay's shirt and stepped in the shower. She let the item fall to the floor as she heard him speak again.

"Erin, let me in there."

She closed her eyes and let the water drip down her body.

Last night had been amazing. Their bodies had just connected with each other like they hadn't been apart. She felt safe being back in his arms. She felt at home.

But this morning was different. She couldn't let him see her bare body in the daylight. She couldn't let him see her scars, her burns, the marks Logan had left on her skin.

There was no way he'd find her sexy. There was no way he'd want to touch her when she was a mixture of red, black and blue. He wouldn't want to see her in the shower, no matter how much he was knocking on the door right now.

"Er, come on!"

"I'm in the shower, Jay!"

She could practically hear him smirking. "All the more reason to let me in."

"No Jay I'm not going to let you in!"

She heard him retreat away from the door, giving her a chance to rinse her body of soap. It killed her to hear him walking away: she wanted nothing more than to let Jay in the bathroom with her, but she didn't want him to be put off by her wounds.

Erin turned off the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. She smiled sadly to herself in the mirror before going back into the bedroom. She paused when she saw Jay, lying on top of the comforter. His expression was a mixture of hurt and concern. His television was on but Jay wasn't concentrating. He turned to face her when she entered the room.

"Hey, are you okay?" the concern in his voice made her weak: how could he be so caring towards her when she kept shutting him out?

She knew she would probably cry if words left her mouth so she nodded at him. He didn't look convinced.

"Tell me," he said softly as he got up off the bed and made his way over to her. She folded her arms across her chest in an attempt to conceal herself from his sight. He reached out and cupped her face. "Tell me." he repeated.

"Don't…don't look at me." She tried to turn her face away but he kept a grip on her.

He looked taken aback. "What?" His tone was raised like he had reacted out of surprise.

"You don't want to look at me, Jay" her eyes were beginning to gloss over but she refused to let any water drip from her eyes. "Last night was amazing, _you_ were amazing. But its daylight now, you don't want to see…you don't want to see my body like this."

Jay stared at her, still with both hands holding onto her face, wondering if he had heard her correctly. He let his hands drop and took both of hers in his own before guiding her to the edge of the bed.

"Erin," he tightened his grip on her, pulling her closer. "You're beautiful. You are so breathtakingly beautiful to me I don't ever want to stop looking at you. These," he paused and looked down at the patches on her skin "These are here to remind you, and everybody else, how strong you are. They show you aren't going to be defeated, and that you're tough. Don't.. don't ever think I don't want to look at you, Erin. I could look at you forever."

 _He always did this._ He had a way with words that made her feel like she had no words of a worthy reply. She settled with no words, instead replying with a kiss. He soon returned it but she broke it off suddenly to ask him the question on her mind:

"Were you serious about what you said last night?"

"About what?" his mind was a little hazy, whatever conversation they had last night was not the main thing he remembered.

"Undercover," she smiled as she saw him racking his brains. "About going undercover with me."

"Oh, absolutely. Of course I was serious Erin. There is no way you're going back in there alone. Not after I know what he's capable of."

Erin nodded and smiled at him. "But Jay, how is this going to work? Logan knows who I am, and Lauren knew you so how-"

"I have an idea. Come on, get dressed and we'll head to work."

 **00000000000000000000000000000**

"Jay. Erin. How nice of you to join us."

Erin shot Voight a warning glance. "We need to talk to you." They both strode into the office and Voight followed close behind.

"So what's up with you two?"

Jay looked at Erin. Erin looked at Jay.

Hank pretended not to notice. "Well?" he went on.

Jay squirmed in his chair- whenever it came to Erin, Hank still put him on edge. "We think we figured a way to get Logan."

Hank lifted his head, switching his eyes between the pair. "I'm listening."

Jay's hand consciously went to Erin's knee and squeezed it. It didn't go unnoticed by Voight, but he kept silent for the minute. He was intrigued by their plan.

"Logan is clever, we have to do this properly," said Erin. "He obviously already knows who I am so I'm going to have to beg his forgiveness. Make him think I'm back." She grimaced as she thought about him. "I told Jay about him when I came back and he remembered. He had contacts in Mexico and London who he worked with, but never actually met." Erin racked her brains as she tried to remember details. "Pablo Vasquez and Henry Smith. What if we have Jay pose as one of them? He could be the one who helps us finally catch this asshole."

She finished what she was saying and looked at Hank.

He didn't look convinced. "And I'm just expected to send two of my best detectives undercover for God knows how long?"

It was Jay's turn to respond. "It's the best hope we have, Hank. If we don't do this, who knows what Logan will do-"

"You're okay with this, Erin?"

She leaned forward in her chair. "I've been there before." She put her own hand on top of Jay's, the one already resting on her knee. "This time there'll be two of us. We can arm ourselves with decoys, keep in contact with each other."

"Sounds like you've really thought this through." Hank scratched his head, leaning back behind his desk. "So, you two, you're back together?" he questioned.

Jay and Erin looked at each other, realizing the topic hadn't been discussed between them yet.

"Yes." They said in unison.

"And you guys are okay with not being allowed contact undercover? You know, unless your alias's cross paths?"

Jay smiled sadly. "I suppose I'll have to be."

"You'll have to be, you can't blow your cover."

"It'll be worth it in the end." Erin answered.

Hank looked resigned: they'd really thought the plan through. He folded his arms across his chest.

"Sarge, do you have any updates on Logan? Before we put this plan into action?"

"He's moved location. Mouse put a location on him directing him back to Clark Street-"

"In the Loop?!" Jay sounded surprised.

"Yes. Last we saw of him he was unloading around ten Romanian girls from a black van. We had a CI's eyes on him. Except they turned their head for a second and he was gone."

"So how do we know which house is his?"

"There have been complaints of strange animalistic noises and screams coming from 124. The house is registered to a Molly O'Neill-"

Erin's jaw dropped to the floor. "To a who?"

"You know that name?"

"She was one of the girls there the first time I was. I always thought he favored her. She was always in first, always getting the best of everything. What happened to her?"

"CPD found her last night. I called you but I figured you were _busy._ "

Erin felt her cheeks flood with color. "Is she, I mean, how-"

"She's alive but barely. She's in Med right now but with 24 hour supervision. She's shaken and hardly recognizable. Med are set to call when they find out what exactly happened. This has to stop, the sooner we catch Logan the better. For all of us."

Erin breathed out heavily. "Shit," she rubbed her temples. "Should I, go visit her?"

"Does she know you're a cop?"

"Don't think so."

"Then it's best it stays that way."

"But she-"

"Not yet, Erin. She could be involved somehow, we don't know yet. Logan could be playing with us, there's got to be a reason he's using a house that's registered to her.

"There's only one way we're gonna find out."

 **0000000000000000000000000000000**

Erin looked at Jay as they got out of the car. He had been strangely quiet the whole way home from the district.

She racked her brains back to their meeting with Hank, seeing if she could think of anything that would cause Jay to be so quiet.

It was her turn to be concerned about him. She waited until they were back in the apartment before she said anything.

"What's up?"

Jay sank into the couch. "Hmm?" He didn't look at her directly just gazed in front of him.

She looked at him with a look of seriousness. She intently sat down next to him, hoping with all of her heart that he wasn't having second thoughts about the undercover operation.

"You were quiet all the way home. You gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"Just the name. _Molly O'Neill._ I know that name."

"You do?"

"Yeah. But I don't know where from. And it's gonna bug me." He scratched his beard then ran his hand through his hair. "But I don't have to think about that tonight. Come here."

Jay outstretched his arm, motioning for Erin to move closer to him on the couch. The movement caused his top to ride up his torso revealing his bare skin. She obliged straight away, positioning herself at his side.

"Do you think we're ready for this?" Erin could hear the apprehension in his voice. It was almost as though he hadn't been undercover before, by the way he was talking about it.

She turned to face him. "Of course," she paused to lean in and capture his lips in a kiss. "We'll be badass." She grinned.

"Ha, yeah we will" Jay kissed her again then leaned back on the couch. "Except I don't know how you're gonna keep your hands off me when we're in there," he laughed "I mean, I'm sexy Erin."

Erin glared at him and hit his chest playfully. "Oh, I'm sure I'll cope Jay, I survived almost two years at work without making a move-"

"Oh, don't lie to me, I saw you checking me out."

"Okay maybe."

He laughed and pulled her back into him. He linked her fingers with his own and leant his chin on top of her head.

"You're sure you're going to be okay in there? I mean you say the word and we're out-"

"Told you, I'm badass."

"Yeah," he chuckled "You are." He whispered the words as he fumbled with her shirt.

She scoffed. "What are you doing?!"

"We've got limited time left together, Er. I don't know about you, but I wanna make the most of it."

The sound of Erin's laughter filled the room as they got completely lost in each other once again.

 **Please Review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey Guys, thank you so much for the reviews again!**

 **So here is Chapter 10, I thought I'd do one more Domestic Linstead chapter before I get into the Undercover stuff!**

 **BTW you might not understand the majority of this chapter if you haven't read this story from the beginning, so please do that!**

 **Enjoy :)**

Erin woke up to the smell of breakfast filling the apartment. She didn't want to get out of bed, but being there alone wasn't half as fun.

She reached onto the floor and grabbed Jay's grey t-shirt. Her favorite. She slowly padded into the kitchen, smiling when she saw him.

Jay was standing at the stove, apparently making them breakfast. He was dressed only in pj bottoms, and appeared to be talking to himself. She hated to interrupt him: he looked so cute.

"What are you doing?" she giggled, making her way over to him. He jumped slightly when he heard her voice.

"Oh, good morning." Jay smirked and turned temporarily away from the counter to kiss her. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Clearly," she couldn't help but grin at him. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Oh. You heard that." Jay started laughing. "I was working on my British accent."

Erin looked confused. "Huh?"

Jay turned off the cooker, turning to face her again. "My undercover alias, Er. I have no hope in hell of sounding like I'm the Mexican so I guess I gotta sound like I'm from England."

 _Oh shoot_ thought Erin. She'd forgotten the two characters Jay was given the opportunity to choose from weren't gonna sound American.

"I have to hear this."

Jay groaned. "You can't laugh at me." Erin nodded at him as he cleared his throat. "Pip, pip, cheerio would you like a cup of tea?"

Erin almost collapsed with laughter. "Jay, that was _so_ stereotypical. We gotta work on that." She patted him playfully on the back. "Good start though."

"Hey I've been working all morning on that!" He wrapped his arm around Erin's waist, leaning in to brush his beard against her jaw. He used his free hand to point at the breakfast bar. "Sit. I made breakfast."

She obliged his orders and made her way to one of the bar stools, lowering herself into it. "I know, it smells amazing." Upon sitting down, Jay's shirt she was wearing slowly rose up her thighs.

It didn't go unnoticed by Jay. He groaned as he pushed the plate of food in front of her. She saw him physically have to compose himself before taking the seat next to her. "Damn it, Er."

"Damn it what? I'm not doing anything." she said, raising her eyebrows at him. She knew perfectly well what she was doing.

He tried to focus his eyes on his food. "Eat!"

Erin picked up her fork and scooped some of her waffles into her mouth. "Oh my God, this is so good."

Jay licked his lower lip. "Funny," he smirked at her. "If I remember correctly, that's what you were saying- shouting- last night."

Erin went crimson. "Oh God-"

"That too." Jay couldn't help himself.

"Shut up Jay before I slap you." She tried to sound serious but she never could around him. "Will you just eat your breakfast?"

"Yes ma'am."

Jay scoffed the rest of his own waffles then sat watching Erin eating. Since she'd come back to him, he'd always tried to find time in his day to just look at her. His favorite time was in the morning. She always looked better in his clothes than he did, he couldn't deny that. Her scars and wounds were beginning to fade away too.

"Can you quit staring while I'm eating? It's creepy. You're creepy." Her eyes lifted from her food to look at Jay. Secretly, she couldn't get enough of the way he looked at her.

"I. Can't. Help. It." He inched closer to her face with each word, eventually leaving only a tiny gap between their faces. He planted the softest touch of his lips on her nose. She giggled at the contact.

"You are the biggest distraction _ever._ " Erin backed away slightly so she could see his face in full. "We have so much to do today."

Jay looked puzzled. "What do you mean 'we have a lot to do'? I thought we could, you know, Netflix and chill-"

Erin raised an eyebrow and a finger in sync. "Voight did _not_ give us two days off so we could Netflix and chill." She brought a hand to his chest. "I mean, as fun as that sounds, we have a lot to do today."

"Like what?"

"Well for a start, we have to go shopping. I can't exactly go undercover wearing your clothes, Jay. As comfy as they are, I don't think Logan's into that."

Jay retreated a bit as soon as she dropped the L bomb. She saw his reaction and stood up. She moved to stand in between his knees, they were level with her waist when he was sitting. She snuggled into his chest.

"You know whatever happens in there means nothing right?" She didn't look at him, but spoke the words into his chest.

Jay breathed out slowly, his hand moving tenderly to the small of her back.

"I know, Er. I know that. It's just gonna suck." He peeled her away from his body, not wanting to darken their moods completely. "Let's go get dressed. You said we had shopping to do."

 **0000000000000000000000000**

"What about this one?" Erin held up the cami for Jay to see.

"Hmm, yeah." Jay leaned against the clothes rail, watching Erin pick out different colors of tank tops. "They'll look great."

It was kinda surreal to Jay, clothes shopping with Erin when he knew he wasn't going to benefit from any of it. He tried his best to stay interested though. He stood off the clothes rack and picked out a pink tank. "What about this one?"

"Not my color." she said as she continued ransacking through the clothes rack.

"Er," he looked at her. "It's exactly the same color as the one you're wearing right now."

"Um, no. That's coral. I'm wearing salmon."

"Oh jeez. I thought salmon was a _food_."

Erin walked over to the clothes rail Jay was at. "Oh I have so much to teach you, Halstead." She winked at him then made her way over to the cashier.

"Finished?" he asked when she returned. He reached down to first take the shopping bags from her, and then to take her hand in his own.

"Just one more store," she said, directing him to the opposite side of the mall.

They reached the store Erin had in mind. Jay hesitated at the entrance.

"You're going shopping in _here?!_ " He didn't mean for it to come out in such a tone of surprise, but it did.

"Well you can stand outside if you like-"

Jay pulled her closer. "Oh, I'm coming in." She guided him to the back of the store: she must have known exactly what she was looking for.

And she found it. Jay gulped as she took time to pick out her size.

"You're.. you're taking _that_ undercover with you?!"

Erin wriggled herself free from Jay's grip. "Oh, this?" she shot him a glance and smirked at him. "This isn't for Logan."

Jay opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. Instead he just gawped at her. "What, you, um…"

She shut him up by placing a finger on his lips. Jay clamped his mouth closed but curled his lips into a smile. He followed her over to pay and then they walked out of the shop.

"So, are you done with your shopping now?" He felt like she'd dragged him around the whole shopping mall. Twice.

"Yeah I'm done shopping. Right now you're taking me for tacos."

"Tacos? Can't we just go home?"

"No Jay, I want tacos."

Jay sighed, looking resigned. There was no getting around a hungry Erin Lindsay. So he guessed they were going for tacos.

 **000000000000000000000000000000000**

Jay lay chest naked on the bed as he watched Erin bustling around the bedroom muttering to herself. _She was cute when she was trying to be all domesticated._

"Jay, what are you doing? You need to pack. We leave tomorrow!" She stood folding her own clothes before throwing them in the suitcase. "Did you hear me?" she threw a shirt at him and it hit him in the face. "We. Leave. Tomorrow!"

Jay grunted and stood up off the bed. "Fine." He stuck out his tongue at her. He walked over to the closet and picked 10 shirts off the hangers. With little effort, he put them in his own suitcase, repeating the same action with his pants, shoes and undies. He then flung himself back on the bed. "Voilà! Done."

"Oh you are unbelievable!"

"That's what you said. Last night." Jay appeared to find himself hilarious.

"You're being _so_ annoying right now." She glared at him as she reached into her underwear and sock drawer. "Be productive and come and help me."

Jay leaned up on his elbows. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go into the closet and pass me my jeans."

Jay went back over to the wardrobe, taking her jeans from the hangers. "Anything else?"

"Shoes. I need my shoes."

"Sneaks? Heels? Boots?" he quizzed.

Erin reached to grab the jeans from Jay. "Heels."

"You don't even wear heels."

"I don't wear heels. But Ashley Smithson does."

Jay's eyes widened as he looked at her. "How do you know that name-"

"That's my alias, Jay." She threw down the garments that she was holding and walked over to him.

"That was you?! Wait-"

"That was me." Erin smiled. He finally remembered.

 _~ Two months since Erin left. Two months, a day, 11 hours and seven minutes to be precise- not that he was counting. The squad had had a rough one and Jay had ended up at Molly's. The same as most nights since Erin had left._

 _He was sitting in the corner, nursing his beer. He knew for a fact he'd be hungover in the morning but right now he didn't care. He didn't care about anything._

 _Most of the people he saw in the bar that night knew to leave is alone, so he could drown his sorrows. He could sit in silence and drink his beer, that's what he needed. Well, except one individual. Jay kept making awkward eye contact with a new face at the bar. He tried to ignore her but she kept looking over. Like she wanted something. As soon as he squinted at her, she took it as her cue to walk over to him. Jay groaned to himself as she reached his table:_ _not_ _what he needed._

" _Hi," she had an out-of-town accent, but Jay wasn't really concentrating. "Nice to meet you. I'm Molly O'Neill."_

 _Jay tried his best to come across as friendly, bit he really wasn't in the mood. He half smiled and raised his bottle to his lips. "Jay."_

" _Have I seen you around here before?" she cocked her head to the side a little as she watched him sip his drink._

" _Probably. I'm here a lot."_

" _I see. What do you do then, Jay?"_

 _Jay hesitated, not wanting to reveal himself to a complete stranger. He had no idea who she was, so he wasn't about to tell her everything about himself. Let alone his job._

" _Not to seem rude or anything, Molly, but did you want something?" He really wasn't in the mood for small talk._

" _Hmm?" Molly didn't seem to be listening anymore, her eyes glued to her phone screen. As if on cue, it started ringing. Jay looked over and saw the name Ashley Smithson flash up on the screen. Jay was left confused when she put it on speaker._

 _Molly spoke first. "Ashley! What's up girl?"_

" _Hey Molly! How is it going? Where are you? I think Logan's looking for you."_

 _Jay froze. It sounded like- but it couldn't be, could it?_

 _Without hesitation, and without really thinking about what he was doing, he snatched the phone from Molly's grip. Hoping he was right. "Hey!" Molly exclaimed, trying to retrieve the handset from him, but failing._

 _Jay turned away from her, placing the phone to his ear and putting his other hand to his spare ear so he could hear properly._

" _E-Erin?" he whispered into the headset, completely aware of the hope in his voice. "Is that you, Er?"_

 _The other end of the line went silent, but he could hear heavy breathing. Breathing patterns he swore he'd heard before._

 _He heard a commotion at the other end, and then the phone went dead. "Damn it." He threw the phone back in Molly's direction. "Who was that?"_

 _Molly glared at him. "That_ _was_ _my friend Er- Ashley. Ashley Smithson. And you just destroyed my chance at communication with her so thanks!" She slammed the phone on the table and got up from her seat._

 _Despite her change in mood, she turned back to him. "Have a nice night Halstead."_

 _Jay didn't realize until after she'd left that she'd used his last name. And he hadn't told her his last name._

The event hadn't registered in his brain until now. At the time, he'd thought it was weird, but now he was beginning to slot the pieces together.

"That was you?!" he repeated, grabbing onto Erin's shoulders.

Erin didn't know what to respond: she didn't know whether he'd put his hands on her for support or if he was going to scold her or what.

"It was me." She repeated her own words, but in more of a whisper.

"You mean I- I spoke to you?"

"You did." She reached to take hold of his arm. "And I'm sorry. I chickened. It's just- hearing your voice- I.." her voice started to break. "I couldn't, I'm-"

"Hey," Jay wiped her face free from the few tears that had fallen. "It's okay." She leaned into him then, and he wrapped his arms around her. "I can't believe I spoke to you. Like, I actually spoke to you. Were you in there then?"

She nodded.

"And Molly?"

Erin leaned back, looking at him. "What I said in Voight's office was true. She was in there with me. But she got the privileges. So I had to get her to see if you were okay."

"Well I wasn't." He kissed the top of her head. "But I am now."

 **000000000000000000000000000**

"So you're going in first?"

"Mhm," Erin nodded, checking her bag one more time before it was time to exit the 300.

Her and Jay had parked a block away from the house, for this reason. And so Logan wouldn't catch them together. The rest of the Intelligence unit weren't far behind.

"Okay, ID? Hidden microphone? Decoy cell?" Jay said, counting them off on his fingers.

"Check, check, check." She nodded before leaning towards her partner. "I'll see you on the other side I guess." She planted the quickest kiss on his lips before opening the car door.

"Please be careful, Erin."

"You know I will. You too."

She was almost fully out of the car before she turned back to Halstead, her hair blowing slightly in the morning breeze. "Promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"Wait for me. When all of this is over, you know, just.. wait for me."

He flashed her a signature Halstead grin. "Always, Er." He watched as she smiled at him, maybe the last smile he'd see in a while. "I'll always wait for you."

 **Please Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

Jay watched, without even blinking, as Erin disappeared round the corner heading to Logan's. When she was out of sight, he reached for the decoy cell. He gave it ten minutes before making the call: he couldn't look suspicious.

After sitting in silence for a while, he punched in the number. The recipient picked up the call on the third ring.

"Logan."

Jay composed himself. "Logan, man. It's Henry." He winced at himself, cringing at the accent he was putting on. He just prayed he was gonna come across as convincing.

Logan didn't say anything for a minute or two. _Oh God I've blown it_ thought Jay.

There was a bustling at the other end of the phone, it sounded like Logan was switching rooms or something. Then he spoke up. "Smith? What you doing calling me man?"

Jay swallowed, exhaling and relieved at the fact Logan hadn't commented on his accent. _Always a bonus._ "I'm in town, man. You got any business for me?"

He could almost see Logan smirking on the other end of the connection. "You know I always have business for you. If you're here, drop by in 10? It'll be good to put a face to a name if you know what I mean."

"See you then."

"I'll text my address-"

"I've got-" Jay hesitated, not wanting to blow his cover. "Great. Thanks."

He shut the phone off and threw it on the passenger seat. This was really happening, he prayed to God he wasn't going to blow it.

Jay stared out of the window, waiting for the text to come through. He must have got lost in his thoughts as he jumped, startled when it finally came. Logan had sent through the address with a P.S on the bottom:

 _Use the back entrance. –L_

Jay cracked his fingers and checked his watch. It was 12:05pm. There was nothing left to do but begin his part in the undercover role.

He looked out of the rear window: Atwater and Ruzek were behind him in a blacked out car. Jay opened his car door and stepped out. Grabbing his briefcase, he walked to the car behind him to give them the keys. He exchanged a glance with Ruzek and Atwater.

"Hey man." Ruzek said "Just, uh, be careful in there."

Jay didn't respond, just shot them a smile and walked off around the corner.

The house was not exactly how Jay expected it to look, although he didn't really know what he expected. To anybody on the outside it looked normal, the same as the houses surrounding it. By the way Erin had described it to him, he was fully expecting a dungeon or something. The garden was overrun though and he felt like he was going to lose a shoe, until he remembered.

Back door.

He backtracked his steps and made his way around the side of the building. Holding back a gasp, he unlocked the gate and stepped through.

When he caught sight of this side of the building, Erin's reaction made sense to him. It was completely different looking to the other side. Jay studied the building: the windows were all boarded up so he couldn't see in. It made him shudder: if he couldn't see in that meant whoever was in there couldn't see out.

Jay sucked on his teeth, pretending to ignore the shivers that were frequently going up his spine. He scanned the garden: in the corner, there was an outhouse. Those windows were blacked out too. He dreaded to think what was in there, what happened in there.

There was a single step leading up to the door. Jay made his way to the entrance and knocked.

It took a few seconds before somebody answered, but he eventually heard movement on the other side. Was it too much to wish it was Erin? They'd only just left each other, but she was still all that was on his mind.

The door opened and a woman- girl, more like, with strawberry blonde hair looked Jay directly in the face. She didn't open the door fully but stood in the way of the door frame, preventing Jay from seeing any further inside.

"Can I help you?" _Romanian accent_ , he noticed straight away. Jay looked at her- she didn't look any older than about sixteen. That _son of a bitch_ stupid bastard Logan.

"Yes, um, I'm looking for Logan. I'm Henry, Henry Smith." Damn, he had to get better at this accent before he came face to face with Logan.

"Oh, Mr Logan. He has…been expecting you." She looked around outside before pulling him into the threshold.

Jay's eyes had to automatically adjust to his new surroundings. It was dark, like really dark. It reminded Jay of an actual dungeon, the only light was coming from spotlights hung on the walls.

The girl who brought him inside turned around and pointed at herself. "Maria." She let out a small smile. "This way. You have nice accent by the way."

Jay followed her though the corridor into an even dimmer lit room. The atmosphere of the room itself was dark, the furniture was black and it was eerily silent.

"Sit." She told him, pointing to one of the chairs. He put the briefcase by his feet and sat on the end of one of the couches. He didn't want to sink into the chair completely, he dreaded to think of what had happened in this room.

"I will go and get Logan for you." She left the room, leaving Jay to his thoughts.

Half of him wanted to explore more. He desperately wanted to find Erin. He knew he was having to keep it professional in here, they couldn't blow their cover. But knowing she was so close and he couldn't do anything about it. That's what go to him, it sucked.

The other half of him told him to stay put. He knew who Logan was and he knew he was dangerous. He went with the latter, deciding to stay where he was and wait for the homeowner.

"Henry."

Jay looked towards the door as Logan made his way into the room. He strode in with such a cockiness it made Jay want to punch him. He stood up and hesitantly shook the hand Logan had extended to him. The handshake was awkward and sweaty- Jay wasn't sure whether his own palms were sweaty or it if was Logan perspiring.

"What are you doing in my neck of the woods?" He avoided making anymore eye contact with Jay and paced around the room.

"I came to see how business is going. You know, wanted to see the business for myself." Jay had his hands clasped together, praying that he was convincing.

If he wasn't, Logan didn't comment on it. He cocked his head to the side and made his way over to stand opposite Jay. He smirked. "Before we get onto _that_ ," Logan headed towards the door, gesturing for Jay to follow his lead. "Let me give you the grand tour."

 **000000000000000000000000000**

"And now," Logan put his hand on the door handle. "The last rooms in the house. My favorite rooms." He added.

Jay's stomach churned a little. He'd seen the kitchen, lounge, study and bathrooms. There was one thing he hadn't seen: the girls and where they stayed. He was about to come face to face with that and he wasn't sure if he was prepared.

Logan opened the door, leading to another corridor. The first thing to hit Jay was the music- it was like a nightclub in here. Jay was led further into the room, until Logan came to a stop. He was standing in front of closed double doors. He stepped aside though, gesturing to Jay to open it.

Jay took hold of the handle and pushed. It did in face resemble a night club, more like a strip club. The poles in the middle of the room took center stage. There were women everywhere but Jay only had eyes for one. And he couldn't see her.

The two men walked in a circle around the room. Jay kept his mouth shut but gawped at the same time. All of the girls were so young, no older than teenagers. He was going to see to it that they weren't in here much longer.

"So do you plan on staying with me, Smith? I have a spare room for you." He pointed at the girl they were closest to, spinning on a pole. He raised an eyebrow. "I could make it a good time for you."

Jay winced but tried not to let it show on his face. Him staying in the house hadn't been part of the plan, so he wasn't sure what to reply. At the same time, he'd be in the same vicinity as Erin. He could roam the rooms to search for her, because he hadn't spotted her in the room where all the other girls were. And it was playing on his mind.

He made a decision. "Sure."

Logan smiled at him. "Then I'll show you to your room. Let you freshen up. I got plans for us tonight."

Jay cringed. They exited the girls' corridor and Logan led them upstairs. "This," Logan swung open a door. "is yours."

The room bared no resemblance to the bedrooms downstairs. Jay's slumber was decked out to the nines- King sized bed, bay window and luxury decoration. Upon turning around though, he sucked on his teeth when he saw the other side of the room.

There were bars hanging from the ceiling, whips and chains balanced on the wall.

Oh God, his room was a sex dungeon.

"Let me show you the clos-"

"I got it." Jay forced out a smile for Logan. "I got it."

Logan nodded and left the room "I'll expect you downstairs later." He shut the door behind him.

When he left, Jay left himself exhale. What the fuck had he gotten himself into?

He reached for his briefcase, pulling out several of his shirts. He began to open the first door of the closet when something sprung out on him.

"What the-"

"Hi," she smiled, leaping into his arms. "Nice call on not opening the closet, I'd have been toast."

"What the hell, Er?" he questioned in a raspy whisper. He grabbed her ass and hoisted her up his body. "How did you, what are you doin-"

"I heard your phone call. I knew he was going to ask you to stay. I wasn't sure what you were going to say."

"Me neither and I must admit, I'm kinda tripping right now."

"Huh?"

"My bedroom. It's a sex chamber!"

Erin laughed. "I don't know what you were expecting, _babe_." She slid out of his grip. "Welcome to Logan's manor."

"Mhmm." Jay leaned into her and kissed her gently. "So I told you you couldn't stay away from me."

She gazed at him, with so much love in her eyes. "Jay, this is gonna be hard. I'm gonna see you so much down there and I can't touch you and he's gonna put other girls on you-"

"Stop. You know it won't mean anything. Hey, by the way, you should go. We cannot get caught."

"Yeah you're right." She inched closer to him, feeling the heat radiating from his body. It didn't help that he was wearing a suit, he knew how to work a suit. "Just needed to check you got in okay."

Jay took a step back from her. "You need to get _out_. Before we get _caught_. Get. Out. Now." He could never keep control around her, even when they were undercover.

Erin bit her lip then pouted. She blew him a sneaky kiss before reaching for the door handle.

She threw back the door, only to reveal Logan standing right outside. She froze. Jay's eyes went wide, and he froze too. They didn't know how long he'd been standing there. How much he'd heard.

Logan's expression was hard to read. He looked at Erin first then at Jay. Back at Erin. Back at Jay.

"Oh I see you've already become acquainted with Ashley, Mr Smith. You'll have to fight me for her. She's one of my favourites. And she's just come back to me _so you've got competition."_

Logan grabbed one of her hands, a little too forcefully, leading her away with him. Jay lunged forward, momentarily forgetting where he was. Erin grimaced.

"Something the matter, Henry?"

Jay shook his head.

"Then me and _this one_ ," Logan draped a slimy arm across Erin's shoulders and moved his face to her head, sniffing her hair. "Will see you later."

Erin shot Jay a sad smile before disappearing down the stairs with Logan, leaving Jay to silently curse under his breath.


	12. Chapter 12

Erin Lindsay chewed on the inside of her lip.

Logan's arm wrapped around her shoulder made her want to gag. He was leaning into her so close she could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on his breath. That, mixed with his general body odor, made Erin pray they'd almost reached his desired destination.

Her mind floated to Jay as he and Logan slowly reached the bottom of the stairs. What If Logan had heard the whole conversation? Had she just blown their entire cover? She wondered how Jay was going to handle the whole thing: sure, they'd been undercover before, but Jay had no idea what went on under Logan's roof. No idea.

Her thoughts led to her being distracted, so she was no longer aware of her surroundings. Logan was leading her somewhere new, somewhere completely unfamiliar to her. She let her eyes lurk on the setting: the walls, the floor, the furniture. She had never seen them before. It confused her: she had been sure she'd known everything about this place.

Logan's grip tightened across the top of her back. She focused her eyes on what was in front of her, but she could feel his eyes burning into the side of her face.

"This way." His voice was snake-like, the 's' sounds coming out as hisses. He dropped his arms down her body, taking hold of her hand. His palms were sweaty and sticky, but Erin played along.

She let him lead her to the end of the corridor- the one she hadn't seen before.

"Now, I've never brought anyone down here before." He nodded towards the heavy metal doors in front of them, "You should feel special."

"Oh, I do." She replied without making eye contact.

Logan leaned in front of her to open the doors. It looked like it took some effort: it took Logan three shoves before Erin heard the latch open.

The room was in total darkness and Erin couldn't see a thing. It took her eyes a short while to adjust before Logan dragged her inside.

Was it her imagination, or did it suddenly get real cold when she stepped through the door?

Logan didn't give her time to hesitate, practically pulling her arm from the socket as he directed them further into the darkness.

After about ten steps, Erin felt Logan's hand drop from her own. He must have directed her to the middle of the room, she couldn't feel anything around her. It was so silent in the room that she heard his footsteps slowly retreat away from her.

Erin's eyes had only adjusted to the darkness so she was temporarily blinded when Logan turned on the light. She really wished he hadn't.

The first thing she noticed were the walls. There were no windows, and there was padded material from floor to ceiling. She had a sneaking suspicion that they were underground. Somebody had taken the time to make this room soundproof- no one could hear from the outside, and anybody in here couldn't hear the outside world. The thought caused her to shiver.

The ground below her was cold, so cold it felt wet. She forced her eyes to fall to the floor. Sure, it was made of stone so it was gonna be cold. But the rust colored stains against the grey stone made her sceptical: it looked scarily like blood.

Erin bit her lower lip. Inches away from her, there were chains with handcuffs attached to the top of them. Erin didn't dare to touch them, but only by looking at them she knew how heavy they would be. For somebody to be bound up in these, that would hurt like a bitch.

Apart from the chains, and questionable other items hanging on one of the walls, there was only one other bit of furniture. In the corner furthest from Erin, where Logan was standing, there was a wooden chair. A large hard wooden chair. On the armrests, there were restraints- one's you'd expect to find in a dungeon or something. Not one's you'd expect to find in somebody's house.

All the while she'd been taking in her surroundings, Logan's eyes had never once left Erin's face. He couldn't tell what she had been expecting but it probably wasn't this.

He strode his way over to her getting to her in a matter of seconds. He came to a stop inches away from her face.

"Welcome to _my_ lair." He growled.

Erin didn't reply, still in shock at her surroundings. It took less than a minute for her to realize.

He wasn't just a satyriasist. He was a master of torture, too.

She hid a grimace, not letting her true emotion show on her face. She had to play the game.

"It's .. _nice_." She backed away from him a little, reaching for the cuff on her shirt. Logan's eyes fixated on her body as she removed the article and threw it on the floor.

"You think so?" A creepy grin spread across his face. "I think so."

"Mmm, yeah." Erin kept her response to him minimal, as much as she wanted to catch him out, she loathed having to talk to him. Having to relive what happened the first time she 'lived' here.

Logan closed the gap again between them, following her so she was walking backwards until she was up against the wall.

Erin was a pretty strong cop, but Logan was a big guy. It took little effort for him to trap her between himself and the wall. His left hand grabbed both of hers and held them forcefully above her head. With his other, he fondled with the straps on her tank until they were off her shoulders.

It made Erin feel sick, the way Logan objectified her body. The way he looked at her with his animalistic thoughts. _What a pig._ He was probably like this with the other girls too, ones that weren't as mature or strong as Erin. She watched, helpless, as he removed the top completely then unhooked the front clasp on her bra. She watched in disgust as he lowered his hands to the front of his jeans, pleasuring himself at the sight of her.

She despised the way he looked at her. It wasn't the way a woman should be looked at. Not with passion, dignity and with love. _Not like the way Jay looks at me_ she thought.

The thought made her smile. Logan saw, thinking she was smiling at him.

"I've. Missed. You." He spoke in labored breaths, between his pants.

She forced a grimace, making it seem like he was succeeding in pleasuring her. His hands moved from his own body back to hers. Erin could feel the perspiration coming from his palms as he hopelessly fiddled with the fastening on her pants.

It wasn't like she wanted to do this, but she hated the feel of him on her.

So she undid the zipper herself.

"Hey, I was enjoying that," he grunted at her, speaking with such force that drops of spit fell onto her face.

"Just helping you along _Logan."_

He stared at her while she wriggled free of her clothes, struggling because she was still stuck in his grasp. He wasn't going to let go of her anytime soon.

Logan let his hand roam free on the upper half of her body, inching his lips each time closer to her neck.

"I'm glad you came back to me."

With no warning, he picked her up and led them over to the corner of the room, where the large chair was. He placed her in a sitting position on top of the chair.

"I hope you're up for a little fun tonight." He moved to tie her wrists in the buckles either side of her.

Erin winced a little: Logan was into the exotic dances, the 'intimate' touching. Not the pain she was about to experience.

"I'm always up for fun, Logan." She had to fight the urge to resist being tied up.

The night with Logan had begun earlier than she anticipated. Right now, she was in the room with him. Alone. With no decoy cell and no weapon. If anything were to happen, would anybody be able to hear her?

She was screwed and her thoughts went into overdrive.

But she tried not to let herself panic. _Just play along._

"So tell me, Ashley, do you like being tied up? Do you like me being in control of you?"

"Mhm." Erin bit her lip, nodding in response. She tried her best to look seductive, but it probably wasn't very convincing. Especially when it wasn't with the one man she wanted it to be with.

Logan tightened the straps on both of her wrists before moving to stand behind her. He moved her hair from her face, leaning down to whisper in her ear. His breath felt hot and sticky on her neck as he spoke.

"You know, it's not nice to lie to people _Detective."_

He put so much emphasis on the last word, it made Erin feel sick to her stomach.

She struggled against the strains, trying to look at Logan behind her.

Then everything went black.

 **0000000000000000000000000000000**

Jay lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He checked his watch. It was just after 6, and he was supposed to make it to 'dinner' with Logan at 6.30.

He let out a groan. He still had a good 10 minutes to get lost in his thoughts, before he was gonna get up and change his shirt.

He clasped his hands across his chest, and thought back to the conversation that had took place earlier in his room. If Logan heard what he and Erin were talking about, he hadn't mentioned it. Jay hoped this wasn't over before it had even started.

He reluctantly got out of bed, making his way over to the closet to change shirt. He sprayed himself with cologne before making his way down the stairs.

Although Logan had given him the 'grand tour', he still had little idea where he was going. Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, a flash of familiar red hair ran past him.

"Maria?"

The girl turned back to look at him. "Oh, nice to see you again Mr Smith." She retreated her steps and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Do you look for Mr Logan?"

"Yes. Have you seen him?"

"Oh Mr Henry I thought you were from England." She looked at him, confused.

 _Oh crap. The accent._ His accent had slipped. Hopefully it didn't take much to convince her, she didn't seem the most intelligent.

"Acting." He raised an eyebrow at her. "I like acting." _Back to the accent._

Maria let out a childish giggle, reinforcing to Jay just how young she looked, and was. "Oh, Mr Henry I like the acting too." She moved again to stroke his shoulder. "Mr Logan is this way you can follow me."

Maria took hold of his hand and guided him forward. Her hands were so small and delicate, they reminded Jay of a child's. She shouldn't have been in this place.

"Right this way Mr Henry." She led him through into the room Jay had been to, the first time he saw all of the girls.

He spotted Logan straight away. He looked pretty wasted and was being given a lap dance by two of the girls. They wore little more than underwear, it left little to Jay's imagination.

Jay cleared his throat, causing Logan to turn and look up. His smile was creepy.

"Ah, Mr Smith. How lovely of you to join us."

Jay was surprised that Logan was able to string a sentence together, he was definitely trashed. Logan motioned to Jay to take a seat next to him, which he did.

Jay watched as Logan directed the girls to stop, before he pointed a finger and motioned for somebody else to come over.

A young blonde girl skipped in Jay's direction. She stopped in front of him, extending an arm for her to shake. Jay took in her appearance: even the endless amount of make-up she was wearing couldn't disguise how young she was. Her figure barely filled out the underwear she was wearing, and her frame was so tiny Jay she kind of resembled a doll.

Logan spoke up. "Henry, this is Dana. She will be _looking after_ you this evening."

Jay swallowed and looked up at the young woman again- well, she was still more of a teenage girl. She sure looked young enough to be his baby sister. He stuck out his own hand to shake hers.

Her voice made her sound even more like a child. It sounded squeaky and Jay thought it was whiny.

"Do you want to go somewhere more private Mr Henry?" She gestured towards some curtains at the back of the room.

"Go ahead!" Logan exclaimed, clearly more excited than Jay was.

Jay felt Logan's eyes on him. He felt obliged to agree to Dana's request but at the same time he wanted to keep his eyes on as many girls as possible, in this room.

He pulled a face then nodded slightly, although reluctantly, letting Dana pull him from the seat.

On his way to the room hidden by curtains, he scanned the room paying particular attention to the girls' faces.

He didn't see Erin among them at all.

 **000000000000000000000000000000**

"Do you like this Mr Henry?" Dana was straddling him, running her hands through her hair.

Jay felt ridiculously uncomfortable. It was like a teenager was trying to seduce him. He had to grit his teeth to prevent himself from saying something that blew his cover.

She had pretty good English, but Jay couldn't place her accent. He also wasn't down with being called Mr Henry, it was weird and made him feel all the more uncomfortable. Like he was a master, in control of whatever this young girl was doing. Jay felt it put him in the same category as Logan, and he didn't belong there at all.

He let out an "Mhmm" which earned him a smile from her.

"That's good." She removed her hands from her hair, moving them to unhook her bra. Knowing he had to play the part, Jay forced himself to look at her.

He prayed she wasn't going to ask him to touch her because he wasn't sure if he could.

As if his prayers were answered, Jay heard a phone buzz. It gave Dana a shock so she climbed off him.

"I think I am needed in another bedroom. Give me 30 minutes, you can go and see Logan if you like."

Jay immediately got up off the bed, fastening his jeans as he did so.

Dana scurried out of the room leaving Jay on his own. He reached down to put his shoes on, grabbing them from underneath the bed. His hand brushed against something hard. He lowered himself down to see what it was.

It was some sort of shoe box, closed with a lid. It was locked.

 _Damn it_ thought Jay.

He was about to shove it back where he found it, when he saw something sticking out of the corner. His curiosity got the better of him, and he tugged at it.

He picked it out and let out a sharp short breath.

It was Erin, outside of the district. Dressed in her intelligence vest and police badge.

 _Oh God, he knew she was a cop._

 ** _Please Review (:_**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm sorry this Chapter is so short, but people told me they wanted it as soon as so I thought I'd upload what I had!**

Jay wasn't a guy to panic. He knew how to keep his cool. He could usually get things to go his way without really trying. Sure, he could keep his cool.

Except when it came to Erin.

With Erin, it was something altogether different. He was automatically protective over her. Without hesitation, he knew in his heart he would do anything for her. To keep her safe.

 _And now Logan knew she was a cop._

Jay hadn't even realized he was shaking. Really shaking. Either with anger or with slight fear. Whichever one it was, it only made him more mad.

He had to find her.

He folded the picture he had found into his pocket and walked out of the room. His palms started to sweat as he made his way back to the main room where Logan was.

His legs sprinted towards the room where the girls usually were, it took him less than a minute to get there. His eyes scanned the entire room, knowing who he was looking for.

He couldn't see that bastard Logan anywhere.

Jay walked over to the side of the room where the couches were. _Still no sign of Logan._

"Shit!" Jay cussed under his breath before turning around, his eyes quickly looking around the area. He'd hoped he'd be able to see Dana, or Maria even. Someone who could help him. They weren't anywhere to be found either.

Jaya sucked on his teeth and approached the first girl he came to. Sheepishly, he tapped on her shoulder waiting for her to turn around. She did, looking at him. She looked older than the rest of the girls Jay had met: he thought he might get some answers from her.

He must have been staring because she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"Can I help you?" She had a local accent. _So Logan didn't just have foreign girls, there were ones from the neighborhood here too._

"Um, I'm looking for Logan. Have you seen him?" Jay said, bluntly, not taking his eyes off her in case her face gave anything away.

But her poker face was strong. She just glared at him as the words fell from his mouth. _Great_ Jay thought _she's gonna be loads of help._

She cocked her head to the side. "Why do you want to know?"

Jay straightened up and exhaled a little. "I'm supposed to meet with him tonight, uh, for business." He had to laugh internally at his stupid excuse, but he couldn't really think straight.

Somehow, she bought it. "Oh, you're _that_ guy." She studied his puzzled expression. "If he's expecting you, he'll be in his favorite room." She paused to point one of her manicured fingers in the opposite direction. "That way. The room is that way. Down the long corridor, it's the room right at the end." She raised her arm to touch his shoulder before finishing what she had to say. "Enjoy." She winked at him and began to walk away.

Jay didn't even give a second thought to thanking her before he sprinted off down the corridor.

 **00000000000000000000000000000000000**

Erin forced her right eye open. It felt heavy, but she had to see. The left one, she couldn't open at all. But she could feel a liquid running down that side of her face and she was kinda glad she couldn't see it. She used her one remaining eye to scan the room as much as she could.

It was dark, the last time she remembered it had been bright. So bright, her eyes had had to adjust. Now she could barely see the other side of the room.

As far as she could see, she was alone. She attempted to let out a sigh of slight relief, but she couldn't. It was only then she realized there was some sort of foreign object in her mouth. She tried to cough it out but it only made her gag more. She already felt sick, there was a taste of dry blood at the back of her throat.

She temporarily forgot why she couldn't move. She let her somewhat good eye fall down to her limbs. Her hands. They still remained buckled tightly in restraints. With the little strength she had left, she tried to wrestle free. It was no good, she soon realized she was fighting a losing battle.

She relaxed her arms once more, as much as she could, but still looked herself up and down.

She frowned.

She was naked.

The last thing she remembered was Logan tying her to the chair. Then, she could have sworn she was still wearing her underwear when she was carried over to the chair.

Now, she wasn't.

It was only now a shudder went through her. It made her entire body shake. It was cold in the room, sure, but that wasn't the main reason she shuddered.

The fact that she couldn't remember made her feel even more sick than she already did. Her mind was spinning.

When she thought about it, she did feel sore. She must have been unconsciously blocking out the pain before.

Erin closed her eye to try and shut out the pain.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, or how long it would be before somebody found her. _If they even found her at all._

Her head felt heavy.

Her better eye began to droop.

Her breathing began to get labored.

Her slender body was shivering, she needed to warm up.

She rested her head forward on her neck, it was too much for her to hold up anymore.

Her tiny frame was dwarfed in the enormous chair, and it was uncomfortable. The hard wood beneath her was digging into the bones of her back and ass. She wanted to be anywhere other than here.

Her hair fell forward onto her face, and she let her eye fully close. _Just for a second_ she thought _just to rest it._

She heard footsteps. Or did she imagine it?

Erin bent her head to the side, to see if she could hear better.

She could have sworn she heard footsteps. But they sounded so far away and she couldn't stay awake. Could she be dreaming already?

The footsteps were surely getting closer.

She begged herself to stay awake, to see who was coming.

But she couldn't, she felt the desperate urge to let everything go.

And, she did. She lulled her head forward once again and fell out of consciousness.

 **00000000000000000000000000000**

Although he was running it felt like an eternity to Jay before he reached the end of the corridor.

He was focused on reaching the end, but he still looked at where the girl's directions had led him.

The décor at this end was different: it was more high end. There was more detail put into everything. _This must have been Logan's side of the mansion_. It was a contrast to the dire state of the other side of the house.

Jay scowled. _This was just like Logan: to live a life of luxury, while he kept all of his girls together cramped in one small space._

With two more strides, he reached the door. Feeling hopeful, he tried it. It was locked. _Of course_ thought Jay, as he frowned at the large metal slabs in front of him.

Jay was a well-built guy. He knew his own strength. He knew he had the will inside of him to open these doors.

So, he did. Jay leaned his muscular body against the coldness of the door and shoved hard.

The door swung open and Jay stumbled over the doorframe. "Fuck!" He rubbed his shoulder with his hand: that had _hurt_. If he'd have been any smaller, it would have pulled something for sure.

The door automatically swung shut behind him, and there didn't appear to be a handle on this side. _Cross that bridge when it comes to it_ he thought.

It took Jay a second to register his surroundings. It was hard to see to begin with, the room was so dark, dingy and it had a weird smell.

He looked up. The only light in the room was coming from torch-like illuminators on the wall. There was a larger light in the ceiling, but Jay found it difficult to locate the switch.

Fumbling around in search of the switch, it was only then he noticed the sole piece of furniture in the room. And, the small figure slouched in the middle of it.

Oh God. _Erin._

He couldn't see her face but he recognized her hair. Her soft dirt blonde curls that he'd grown to know so well.

"Erin?" Jay went over to her in a hurry. He thought she'd been sleeping.

But she wasn't moving.

She was also naked.

And she was freezing.

And she was bleeding. Or, had been. It was starting to dry.

And, it eventually registered in his brain. She wasn't moving.

"ERIN?!" He shouted this time with more urgency in his shaky voice. "Erin, wake up!"

Jay got no response and he was beginning to panic.

"Erin, you have to wake up!" He took off his dinner jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders. With little effort, he untied the buckles tying down her wrists and caressed them gently: making sure her circulation was still flowing.

He wrapped his jacket tighter around her fragile body, rubbing his arms gently over hers. He was radiating so much heat right now from his own body he wished he could somehow transfer in onto hers.

He lifted her face gently towards his own and had to stop himself from shouting out.

He wasn't staring at his girlfriend's face, he was staring at a shell of her. The first thing he noticed were her eyes. They currently didn't resemble the eyes he so many times got lost in. They weren't even open, he had to open her eyelids himself to look at them. The left one was even swollen shut, it looked like she'd been hit with something. There was a cut above it also, and the blood had ran the length of her face and matted in her hair.

He moved his hand towards her mouth, noticing there was a gag there. He scooped out the material, taking her cheeks in his palms.

The feeling felt all too familiar: Erin being hurt and Jay not being able to do anything about it.

He gently shook her face. "Erin, baby," he pleaded "please please wake up."

There was little more he could do, in a room with only a chair. He scooped her up, like a child, and sat on the chair himself with Erin on his knee.

He checked her pulse to make sure there was one. It was there, but it was faint.

She just needed to open her eyes.

She just needed to give him something.

 _And when he got his hands on Logan_ thought Jay _he was going to fucking kill him._

Jay pulled her close to his chest, wrapping her in a protective embrace.

"Listen, Erin Lindsay. You gotta wake up, you gotta wake up for me so we can get outta here. I'm done. I'm done with the undercover thing you hear me? Just open those pretty eyes so we can get outta here-"

It wasn't that he was embarrassed, he just didn't want to cry in front of her, when she was in such a fragile state.

He didn't even know if she could hear him, but it was worth a shot.

He wished the door hadn't shut behind him, he needed to get her out.

He could feel the bile rising in his throat, just thinking about what had already happened and what was going to happen next.

What he didn't see was the pair of yellow eyes watching him from the darkness of one corner. He didn't hear the footsteps sneaking nearer towards them. And he didn't feel Logan's breath behind him until he actually spoke.

"Well hello Detective Halstead. How nice of you to join us."

 **Please Review :)**


	14. Chapter 14

_Hello Detective Halstead, nice of you to join us._

The words cut through Jay like a knife. His eyes widened and he gritted his teeth, tight. He hardened his grip around Erin's body.

Jay heard Logan before he saw him. The shuffling of feet behind him got closer and, when it did, the air around him seemed to get thicker.

It was another couple of seconds before Logan's silhouette came into the light. He was still mumbling comments to Jay:

"Oh, I see you found Miss Lindsay." Logan walked around the chair where Jay was sitting, coming face to face with him.

Jay's eyes darted up from Erin's body to look at Logan.

He was even more of a mess than Jay remembered. His pupils had dilated so much, Jay couldn't see any color in them.

He looked, and smelt, wasted.

His shirt was buttoned into all of the wrong holes, his belt was unbuckled and there was blood on his clothes.

Jay stared at it. _Erin's blood._

Logan saw Jay staring. He too looked down at himself and grinned. "This? This was real fun."

Jay forced himself to swallow, as he thought about what Logan was implying.

Logan began pacing in front of him, not breaking their eye contact.

"I hoped one day you'd get the pleasure too of sleeping with Miss Lindsay. She knew all the right spots." He licked his lips with sick pleasure. "Pity she'll be dead soon-"

Something triggered within Jay. Maybe it was the notion of Erin being dead- he couldn't imagine life without her- or maybe it was just Logan being an asshole, but something changed within him.

Being careful not to hurt her, Jay spun himself around and placed Erin on the chair. He knew he had to get her out of here, but he sure had to make Logan pay.

He was cautious to let her go before allowing himself to fill with rage.

He thought about what he was doing: he wasn't armed and he probably wasn't in the right frame of mind to fight. But he was going to do it anyway.

"Do you realize what you've done here, Logan?! You're never going to get out of this one." Jay took a step closer to him, not before glancing back at Erin. He had to make quick work of this if the two of them were going to get out of here alive.

Logan swayed from side to side as he looked at Jay.

"Oh, _please_ " he slurred "I've got free from the police before, you know I can do it again."

Jay watched as Logan looked at Erin and smirked to himself. The bastard continued to speak:

"You're not a very _good_ Detective, are you? I mean look at how long it took you to find her. And now you're going to have to watch her die-"

Jay lunged. Logan retreated, but not before Jay's left fist connected with him cheek. His jaw cracked at the impact.

Jay cussed at himself and shook his hand. One of his knuckled was probably broken.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" Logan shouted through gritted teeth, his hand moving up to comfort his wound. "You're going to wish you hadn't done that."

Logan tried to throw a punch back himself but Jay was too quick: his fist slammed into thin air.

He stumbled backwards almost losing his footing. As he did so, a large keyring fell from the back of his jeans.

Jay's eyes fell to the floor. Logan was too wasted to even realize what he had dropped.

 _Keys_ thought Jay _maybe they were the keys to get out of here._

But the large metal door Jay had used to get into the room didn't have a keyhole on this side. So what the hell were the keys for?

He didn't want Logan to get suspicious so looked again directly at him.

Logan had a look on his face that Jay didn't immediately recognize. Whatever look it was, he didn't look remorseful. He didn't look sorry. If anything, he looked like he was enjoying this.

Jay stepped to the left a little, causing Logan to follow and mirror his movement, to the opposite side. Soon they were walking in a circle, both men squaring their shoulders to the other. In a matter of moments, Jay stood where Logan had been standing and Logan was where Jay had been. Next to Erin.

"It's a shame," Logan turned to face Erin's frail body, getting too close for comfort in Jay's opinion. "Such a waste actually. Maybe I shouldn't have gone too hard. She was a damn good fuck-"

Jay took advantage of Logan's back being turned to pick up the keys. But as soon as he heard the comments coming from his mouth, he pounced.

Logan was knocked sideways as Jay's elbow hit the side of his head. He tumbled to the floor in a heap.

It wasn't enough to knock him out, just stun him temporarily.

But Jay still took advantage. He reached over to tenderly touch Erin on the arm. Still no response.

Picking her up from the chair, he skimmed the room for an exit. _There had to be a way out of here._

His eyes focused on the corner that Logan had first appeared from. It was darker than the others, Jay couldn't see anything past a certain point on the wall.

He made his way over to the area, Erin still wrapped securely in his arms.

He found what he was looking for. There was a door. It was so well hidden, if he wasn't looking for it he would have walked straight past it. He fumbled, panicking, with the set of keys. There must have been a key for every single room on there.

"Fuck!" He soon realized it would take longer than expected. He balanced Erin across his forearms as he used both hands to keep searching. It was an almost impossible task.

He kept taking glances at both Erin and Logan. He was concerned about them, in different ways.

Logan didn't appear to have moved yet, which was sigh of relief. He needed to locate the right key before that changed.

With Erin all he wanted, all he desired in the world right now, was for her to wake up. To say something. To be _alive_.

He wished she was awake, to be his partner. She'd know what to do. Her delicate, slim fingers would make light work of finding the right key. Jay exhaled. That wasn't the case and he had to work alone. He cussed at his sweaty palms, not being able to do the job fast enough.

"Oh, come on!" He got frustrated with himself.

The more he couldn't do it, the more he started to get angry.

The more he got angry, the more he panicked.

And the more he panicked, the more he felt like he was running out of time.

There were still so many keys left, he had to come up with a system. _It had to be one of them._ He picked out a large gold one and inserted it into the lock.

Twisted.

The lock opened, and Jay allowed himself to breathe out.

He used his upper triceps to lean on the door and push. He was about to dash out of the doorframe when he heard an icy tone speak up.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Jay spun to look back in the direction of the chamber. His face drained of any remaining color left there.

Logan had somehow recovered. And now he was no longer on the floor.

He was standing feet away from Jay, his eyes angry.

He was armed with a gun.

Aimed directly at Jay Halstead's face.

Jay knew he wasn't armed. He knew he had to get Erin to safety.

He had a choice. He could talk down Logan, negotiate with him and hope he'd let them go.

Or he could run. Run fast. Get out of this hellhole and not look back.

He knew Logan had to pay.

For what he did to all of those girls.

For what he did to Molly O'Neill.

For what he did to _Erin._

 _Even for what he did to me_ thought Jay. _He was the one to blame for the whole Lauren situation._

The thoughts all whirled in his mind, but he didn't have time to think.

Jay pulled Erin closer.

Then, he ran. With all his strength left in him, all the will left in him, he ran.

He didn't pay any attention to what Logan was doing behind him.

Logan smiled, racing to the door before it closed fully.

He eyed the two Detectives before they reached the end of the corridor.

Grinning, he pulled the trigger and laughed when he heard the bullet collide with something, hoping it was the guy detective's body.

 **000000000000000000000000000000000000**

It was the adrenaline that kept him running.

The corridors in this place seemed to last forever. It was like a maze, and there was nobody around. _Which was strange because before, there were girls all over the place._ Now there wasn't a single one in sight.

His legs were beginning to feel heavier. He told himself it was just the weight of running with an extra body.

 _Erin_. What Logan had said really affected him. It made it hit home. He'd said that she was almost dead. Which is what it looked like, but Jay refused to let himself believe it. Her naked body was patterned with her own blood and her skin was turning grey. Her lips had lost their pretty color and he wasn't sure if he could hear her breathing or if he was imagining it.

He also hadn't said it, but Jay knew straight away what Logan had done to his partner. It didn't take a genius to work that one out. But just because Logan hadn't said it out aloud, it didn't make it any easier for Jay to stomach. All Jay wanted to do was have Erin's back and make Logan pay. He probably would have done so, if Erin wasn't in such a critical condition.

Which is why he'd be glad when he was out of here.

He was beginning to give up hope, when he turned a corner, recognizing where he was.

He was back at the other side of the mansion.

He needed to find a cell phone. Find a cell phone, call med and get them the hell out of here.

As if someone heard his prayers, a girl passed by them in the hallway. She took one look at Erin and her eyes widened. She started to run away but turned back when she heard the urgency in Jay's voice.

"Hey!" he shouted "Give me your cell!"

"Cellphone? You think we're allowed cellphones in here?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Then you gotta find me one! Like now!"

She seemed to oblige and ran off.

Jay halted where he was and lowered Erin to the ground, but still kept his warm grip on her. The blood on her was browning, making the paleness of her skin look even worse.

He caressed her lower legs. Almost as cold as ice. He took to massaging her skin, feeling helpless. There was little else that he could do.

It felt like hours before the girl returned but, in reality, she was probably gone a few minutes.

"Here." She threw a phone at him.

Jay thought about thanking her, but she was rude. Plus, he had bigger things on his mind. He wasted no time punching in the digits.

"911. What's your emergency?"

"I need… I need.. an .. ambulance-"

Jay was temporarily confused as to why he was slurring and why his breathing was getting slower and slower.

It was only then he realized the excruciating pain in the back of his neck.

His free hand reached round to the back of his head.

There was a warm liquid pooling there, a sensation of something running down his back.

His hand hovered, and he fought to steady his shaking as he tried to figure out what was going on.

There was something cold and hard lodged at the end of his hair line, something that wasn't there before.

His mind refused to register what it was, he already knew but didn't want to know.

His mind went dizzy and blank.

The girl standing – now waving- in front of his face went fuzzy and blurry.

"Mr, are you okay? Mr? MR?"

He felt his arm drop from his face, causing him to drop the phone on the floor in the process.

His whole body was lethargic. He just wanted to close his eyes.

It wasn't another minute before he too followed suit of the cell phone, falling to the floor- where Erin lay- with a thud.

 **Please Review!**


	15. Chapter 15

"Alright, out of the way! I've got one male, one female both in critical condition. Get me the doctors. Now!"

The double doors of the hospital swung open and the place swarmed with white coats.

The two bodies were transferred to the operating beds, making their way to theaters.

The corridors were long, they made the hospital feel like a maze.

Although the wards passed by in flashes, there only seemed to be more of them.

They weren't getting any closer to the theater.

And they were running out of time.

The stretchers collided with another door, almost knocking over a nurse on the other side.

"Oh God, sorry!"

"You free? We just got these two casualties. They're in a bad way. Can you help?"

"Of course." She said nothing more, positioning herself at the feet of the first bed to wheel it through to theater.

"What happened?!"

"I have no idea. An anonymous cell called it in. The on-call got there and found them like this. We have no idea what the hell happened."

"Well we better find the hell out! Before it's too-"

"Don't finish that sentence! We can't think like that!"

They finally reached the theater entrance, wasting no time positioning the two beds into opposite sides of the room.

"What have you got?"

"Obvious head trauma, swelling of the neck too it seems. You?"

"No idea, man. Looks like a knock to the face, deep cut above the left eye. I can see a bone! Skin's ice cold-"

"OH SHIT, I'VE GOT A BULLET!"

"A bullet?! 'The hell did you miss that? Where is it?"

"His neck."

The doctors made eye contact, neither wanting to confirm with words what the other was thinking.

Their assistant they had picked up on the way prepared the operating apparatus before moving to the other side of the beds.

She let out a gasp when she reached the opposite side.

"Oh my God it's … it's …I know them. I'm calling Hank Voight."

 **000000000000000000000000000000**

Erin's eyes shot open with a start.

She blinked, trying to focus. Everything was fuzzy at first.

She tried to sit up, but the amount of wires attached to her body prevented her from doing so.

"Hey, _easy."_

 _Hank_. She obviously recognized his raspy tone straight away. His voice was like music to her ears. It brought her more comfort than she imagined it ever could have.

"Mmpff-" She tried to speak. The feeling of having something weird in her mouth was familiar. She almost gagged as she remembered.

 _Logan. Blood, probably her own. Being gagged, something weird in her mouth. Heavy eyed, not being able to stay awake._

The realization of her memory caused her to panic. The ventilator in her throat made her think she was choking. She widened her eyes and started shaking.

"Erin! Hey! HEY!" Hank pulled her hand from her mouth before she tried to pull out the tube helping her breathe. "Stop! Stop."

It was weird that Hank sounded so comforting, the rough skin of his hand being able to calm her at the touch.

She relaxed her body a little to reassure him.

But she was still on edge. Her head was pounding and her heart rate was scarily fast. It really bothered her that the last thing she remembered was being sat in a chair in Logan's place.

Why was her memory failing her?

She was pissed at herself. She hated hospitals, they made her feel weak. Hospitals were for people who needed help. And she needed no such thing.

Erin looked down at her body. She felt like an invalid.

Countless tubes and wires were surrounding her. And, as much as it tried, the hospital gown she was wearing did nothing to hide the numerous wounds her undercover operation had left on her body.

Her eyes lifted from herself to look at Hank. He was giving her such a sympathetic look but she refused to feel sorry for herself.

She didn't care how much she was about to hurt herself, she needed to know what Hank knew. Before he could stop her, she reached down into her throat with her fingers and pulled out her breathing tube.

The end of it emerged and she immediately fell into a coughing fit.

"Erin, man, what the hell?" Hank furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at her, realizing what she had done.

"Hank," her voice was weak. "I need water."

He obliged, rising out of the bedside chair to walk to the tray with a jug of water on it.

He poured some into a glass, not paying any attention to what he was doing. His eyes were still fixated on Erin.

He strode back over to her and held the glass inches from her face.

"You know this is what _this_ was for, right?" He looked down at her hand and pointed to the drinking tube that was inserted there.

She shot him a disapproving look and gestured impatiently towards the glass in his hand.

He lifted it to her lips and she gulped down the liquid, fast.

She breathed a small sigh of relief as the water trickled down her throat.

"Thank you, Hank." The words came out in little more than a whisper, it hurt so much to talk.

She shot him a soft smile, it was all she could manage. She laid back against the pillows on her bed. Her head was too heavy to hold up, no matter how much she tried to deny it.

Hank saw her leaning back and stood.

"You should get some rest."

Erin grabbed his hand and shook her head. She swallowed. "No. Don't leave me. I can't be alone right now."

Hank smiled out of the corner of his mouth. He slowly sank back into the seat.

She was a tough cop but to him she was still that 15 year old kid he took in years ago.

"Okay, I'm here kid." He gave her palm a light squeeze.

She nodded and turned her head away. She didn't want to sleep but there was no harm in trying.

As soon as her eyes were closed, she drifted into sleep.

"Better?" Hank was still by her side when she woke again.

She nodded, pushing her knuckles deep into the bed so she could sit herself up.

"Easy, kid, just relax." Hank must have been dozing too, but woke when she did.

"I have to … pee." She knew it would be a pain but she had to go.

Hank pulled a face. "You need me to get you some help with that?"

She drew the line at being treated like a child. "I.. got .. it." She said, through gritted teeth hoping Hank wouldn't notice.

She grimaced in pain as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. _Everywhere hurt, oh God everywhere hurt._

And she hadn't even stood up yet. Everything was gonna get worse before it got better.

She slowly raised herself to her feet and balanced herself with the help of her IV.

The walk to the bathroom felt like another century away, but Hank saw her get there in ten tiny steps.

He watched as she shut the door.

She winced as she lifted the hospital gown up her body. The air felt cool on her naked body as it came into contact with her skin.

She lowered herself to the toilet level, gasping a little as the cold seat hit against her ass.

Even when she was relieving herself, she felt sore. It really hurt to pee.

She bit her lip to stop herself from screaming out in pain.

Something wasn't right. _It shouldn't hurt this much to pee._

She groaned, forcing herself over to the faucets.

She let her eyes drift up to the mirror, hardly recognizing herself.

She didn't understand how Hank hadn't cried out when he saw her face. Then again, he might have: she wasn't conscious when he'd first entered the room. He was already there when she woke up.

She studied her reflection.

Her left eye socket was swollen, and it felt bruised when she touched it. There was a cotton gauze pad covering most of the area above her eye. She didn't want to know what was behind it.

Her eyes themselves looked sunken. Like they had gone back into her skull. Like they were a shadow of what they once were.

Her lips were grey. There wasn't much color left in her face at all.

She looked like a ghost.

She breathed in deeply and ran her hands through her messy hair.

She had to prepare for what she was about to ask Hank, and perhaps she had to prepare herself more for the answers he was going to give her.

Erin peered around the bathroom door.

"Tell me." She whispered.

"Huh?" She spoke so quietly he didn't appear to have heard her.

She manoeuvred herself and her IV drip back towards her bed. She cringed once again when she sat back down.

"Tell me," she repeated. "Tell me what you know."

"Erin-"

"Please. I have to _know_." She was almost begging him, but she felt like whatever he had to tell her would fill in the gaps in her memory.

"If you're sure."

She nodded.

Hank reclined in his chair, not really knowing where to begin.

"The team are at Logan's house right now."

Erin shuddered at the sound of his name. "They are?"

"Yes, Er, do you remember anything? You know, before blacking out?"

"I..I remember being in a dark room with him. I remember him calling me Detective. Then, nothing." She wished she could remember, but it hurt her brain to think.

"Erin. The reason I'm asking.. He's not there. IU have searched the entire place and he's nowhere to be found."

"What?" She didn't know what she'd been expecting but it wasn't this.

"He's gone. Atwater and Ruzek, they're with the girls right now. Nobody has any idea where he is. And if they do, they're not saying _anything._ "

"Great. Undercover work, I come out looking like this and he's fucking disappeared. You're sure?"

"You do know who you're talking to, right?"

She sighed. He was right. But it was still almost impossible for her to believe. How could he just disappear?

She cussed under her breath. "What are we going to do?"

" _We_ aren't going to do anything. _You_ are going to lay here and get some rest and _I_ am going to find him."

There was no point in her putting up a fight. If Hank told her to stay here and rest, she was going to have to stay here and rest.

"So this undercover thing was a waste of time-"

He cut her off. "Don't say that, Erin. You did great, you and Halstead did great."

Erin froze.

 _Jay._

She hadn't seen him or heard from him since they were in there.

She looked at Hank. "Where is he?!"

"Who?"

"Please don't play dumb with me, Hank."

"Erin, I'm-"

"Get. To. It. Hank." She realized he was stalling. She shut her eyes trying to block out the thoughts in her brain, thoughts that were spiralling out of control.

Hank's eyes fell to the floor. Not helping Erin's state of mind.

"Hank, I swear to God-"

"Erin, calm it!" Her fragile body was shaking so he stood to calm her. He took her into an embrace, but there was no way that would soften the blow.

"He's in the ICU. It's bad, Erin. It's real bad."

 **Please Please Please Review :).**


	16. Chapter 16

" _Excuse me Miss, you can't go in there!"_

" _Erin, hey wait up! Stop!"_

" _Miss? Slow down! I can't let you in there!"_

" _Erin!"_

The rest of the faces in the hospital passed in a blur.

She ignored them and she ran, ran as fast as she could. Even with the drip attached to her body, she still managed to run super fast- the adrenaline already pumping through her body.

She was fairly certain somebody, in fact several people, was calling her name but she wasn't listening.

It hadn't taken her long to digest the information but she needed to see for herself. Needed to see _him._

Without physical evidence, she refused to believe it was true. _He couldn't be in the ICU, he just couldn't. Not Halstead._

She forced herself through the double doors of the unit, not even taking time to recognize the pain caused by the contact. She was bound to be covered in bruises but, right now, those were the last thing on her mind.

Her eyes darted to the left then to the right as she scanned the room. All she could see were wires and machines. And more wires and more machines. The room was dimly lit, there was little else she could see.

Finally, she clocked the bed. It was almost hidden: the amount of machines surrounding it had almost kept it from her view.

The room looked like something taken from a horror movie, not something from reality. The blur of white coats and blue scrubs were the only thing that made it seem real.

She felt sick.

Her feet were glued to the floor as she stared at the scene.

Her hand travelled unconsciously to her cover her mouth as she blinked and blinked. Perhaps she'd moved it there to stop herself from screaming, or maybe to give herself comfort.

The doctors were deep in conversation around her, but all she could hear was the beeping from the machines. It was so monotone: _beep, beep, beep._

The thing keeping Jay alive.

Her body felt horrendously heavy but she forced herself to walk forward, her eyes still transfixed on the bed.

"Excuse me, you can't be in here."

She ignored the calls of the doctor, before continuing her footsteps towards the bed. Every step she took made it harder for her to breathe.

"Miss Lindsay, you need to leave."

She blocked out the voices of the professionals, instead focusing on the amount of wires and tubes sprouting up from the hospital bed.

It was hard to make out that there was actually a body lying there.

She was about a metre away from the bed when she felt arms wrap around her frame. On instinct, she elbowed whoever it was in the arm.

"Miss Lindsay violence in this hospital, and especially this unit, will not be tolerated! Now I must ask you to go!"

Her mind finally registered that there was somebody talking to her. She turned to find the face of a doctor staring at her, holding his arm.

Erin choked on her breath. "I-I'm so sorry," she looked down at the body part of his she'd just made contact with. "I didn't mean to-"

The doctor offered her a pathetic and sympathetic smile. He looked her over and folded his arms. "That's okay." He notioned towards the doors. "You have to go, though."

"I can't do that." No more words came, but she pointed towards the bed.

"I'm sorry Miss Lindsay, I understand what you're going through-"

She glared at him, half with anger half with grief. "You _understand_ what I'm going through?"

"Miss-"

"You _understand_ what I'm going through?" she repeated, her grip tightening on her drip to stop herself from falling over. "How can you _possibly_ understand what I am GOING THROUGH?" She was shouting by the end, and her voice was threatening to break.

She gritted her teeth, not wanting to say anymore. She could feel herself sweating yet she was shivering. She felt dizzy.

She looked at the doctor waving in front of her face, his hand was blurry. "Erin, are you okay? Erin?"

Another doctor joined him. "Someone get Will."

 **0000000000000000000000**

"Drink this." Will waved a cup of water in front of her face.

"What is it? Where am I?" she asked, temporarily confused.

"It's water and you're in the waiting room. Drink it, you're dehydrated." He pointed to her empty drip that was next to her. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed with your doctor."

"You know I couldn't do that, Will. Not whilst-" she cut herself short, not wanting to finish the sentence. And also not wanting to cry.

Will nodded, his eyes dropping to the floor.

She took his silence as a bad sign. "Will, I'm counting on you to be honest with me here. Nobody is telling me anything. And you know I need to _know._ " She bit her lip when she'd finished speaking, preparing herself for his response.

"Erin-"

"Please, Will. I have to know."

He sighed, knowing he was going to have to tell her the truth. "Okay," he said reluctantly. "Erin, Jay's on a ventilator. It's breathing for him. The bullet hit him-"

Her eyes went wide. "Wait, the bullet?! He was shot?!"

"You didn't know?"

"I _told_ you, nobody's told me anything!"

"There was a bullet in his neck. They got it out, but the blood loss was crazy-"

Erin got out of her seat and started pacing, her heart racing. She wanted to know the whole story about what happened to Jay but at the same time, she questioned if she could handle it.

"Will, you have to let me in there."

"Erin you know I can't do that. There's such a high risk of infection and plus, it's daunting. You don't want to go in there."

"It's not that I want to, I _have_ to. I have to see him. Come on, it's me."

Will groaned, he knew she would play the cop/brother's girlfriend card. "You can _not_ say I let you in there. Anyone sees you, you play dumb right?"

She nodded. "I got it," she said quietly.

She followed Will back through the double doors, her hands shaking as she got back into the room.

"I'll give you fifteen minutes. That's all I can give you before the other doctor comes back." He gently let himself back out.

Erin was reluctant to get in between the tubes and wires, but knew her time was precious. Her feet moved lightly towards the centre of the room where the bed was.

It wasn't until she was practically on the bed herself that she found Jay's body. Or what she thought was Jay's body, it certainly didn't resemble him right now.

The majority of his body was hidden from her view, under a blanket. His body was perfectly still.

The parts of him she could see were minimal. His head was in bandages and his arms were protruding with tubes.

There was a tube going from his nose, one coming out of his mouth and lots of other different ones attached to his arms.

His eyes were closed.

His skin was an ugly shade of grey. She gulped, she didn't like seeing him like this at all.

She came to a stop beside his bed, placing one of his hands in her own. It was ice cold. She was so used to her Halstead radiating so much heat that the contact made her flinch.

She felt a single tear fall from her eye and watched as it fell from her face onto Jay's hand.

"Hey," she said over the noises of the machine. "It's me."

She laughed softly at her corniness. "Well obviously you know it's me-"

She rubbed her forefinger and thumb over Jay's cold skin. "So, thanks for getting yourself shot you _asshole._ I'm down for you being the hero and saving me and all, but getting shot? You have to get all the attention, don't you?"

She swallowed.

"But let's be real for a sec. You gotta wake up soon."

There was a lump in her throat, and she couldn't get rid of it.

"I, I can't do this without you. I need my partner back."

She couldn't stop herself from breaking down any longer, so she let the tears fall.

She always tried to play it cool when it came to Halstead but now his life was on the line, it broke her. She was aware she was wasting her fifteen minutes with tears but she couldn't stop them.

Her body heaved. Will was right: it was horrible in here.

She slowly sank to the floor, her strength having all left her body.

"Erin?"

She didn't even have the energy to look up.

"Erin it's been fifteen minutes. We have to go."

She nodded slightly, trying to force herself to stand. It wasn't working.

"Um, a little help here?"

"Oh," Will walked over. "Here," he outstretched his arms to guide her from the room.

Will helped her into the chair she had occupied before, in the waiting room.

She looked up at him. "When, when is he gonna wake up?"

He sighed. "Erin, I have no idea. The bullet is out of his system. Right now, it's up to Jay."

 **0000000000000000000000000000**

"Are you ready to go, kid?"

Erin nodded, her arms slipping through the sleeves of her jacket.

She took a last glance at the hospital room before walking through the door, Hank following close behind with her bags.

"You're gonna stay with me, kid. We'll get you home now."

She shot him a warning look. "Hank, no I'm not. I just need to go back to the apartment. I'll be fine."

"Erin-"

"I don't have the energy to argue with you. I'll call if I need anything, I promise."

He sighed, knowing he couldn't get her to change her mind.

"If you're sure."

"I am."

He drove her back to the apartment in a comfortable silence. He didn't know if he had the words to comfort her.

When they reached the block, she gently kissed his cheek and got out of the car with her bags.

She looked up at the building, the one she hadn't seen in a week.

It looked different somehow. It felt different.

She fumbled for her keys and slotted them into the lock. She stumbled over the door frame, her petite frame worn down by the weight of her belongings.

She froze as she reached the door of the apartment. _The last time she was here alone was the time she'd come back to him._

She didn't want to dwell on the memory, not alone. Erin forced herself through the door and slammed it behind her.

It was scarily quiet in the apartment, she could hear herself breathing.

Erin dragged herself into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. She wasn't surprised to find no food there- her and Jay had emptied it before they left.

She didn't know how she was feeling being in the apartment alone but she did know she was tired.

Her eyes were drooping and she couldn't stop herself from yawning.

She dropped her bags where they were and walked through into the bedroom. She kicked off her shoes on her way, leaving a trail of her clothes until she was down to her tank and underwear.

Her body quickly found the bed and she covered herself with the blanket. She pulled the covers even above her head in a bid to fall asleep instantly.

But, as soon as her head hit the pillow, her brain was in overdrive.

 _How had Halstead got himself shot?_

It felt wrong being here without him, she felt broken somehow.

She felt tiny compared to the bed she was lying in, she needed him to be with her.

And yet here she was alone. And he was stuck in the hospital, with a machine breathing for him.

That scared her half to death.

Being alone in the dark was when the tears threatened to fall. And she wasn't prepared, she thought she had no tears left.

She was crying hard, the tears falling from her face and wetting her pillow. No matter how much she slowed her breathing, she couldn't make them stop.

This was all her fault, if it wasn't for her getting taken by Logan, Jay would be okay.

She willed herself to go to sleep, to stop thinking such thoughts.

Erin finally closed her eyes, she was exhausted. There was no fight left in her.

For the rest of the week, she was a mess. And she moped around the house, hoping she would get news soon. She was thankful Will had let her see him, but being on house rest was torture. She was climbing the walls.

The next day, a week after she came home, she woke with a start when she heard her cell. She forced one eye open to reach over and grab it.

"Hello?"

"Erin?" She didn't pay much attention until she recognized the voice. "It's Will. How are you feeling?"

"Like hell. I have the worst headache."

She glanced at the clock. 5:50am. _No wonder she had such a headache._ Will was ringing in the middle of the night.

"That's pretty normal, I'm afraid. You just need to rest."

"Which is what I was doing…"

He laughed. "I know, Er I'm sorry. But you said to ring if-"

She was suddenly listening. "What happened?"

"I'm not going to tell you over the phone. Get ready."

"What the hell Will?"

"I'm serious, Erin. Get a cab or get someone to drive you. Just come."

 _Screw that._ By Halstead's tone, she didn't have time to wait for a cab.

She hung up the phone and pulled on sweats, not caring about her appearance.

She hoped the car keys were where they'd left them. They were.

She ran out to the car, locking the apartment behind her.

The hospital was at least 10 minutes away but it felt like she got there in two.

She forced herself to run into the building and towards the ward she was looking for.

She clocked the other Halstead brother.

"Will!"

He looked at her with shock. "Erin? We were on the phone two seconds ago! How-"

"What happened?"

Will said nothing, just pointed towards the double doors.

Erin frowned, but made her way through anyway. She was unsure what Will was getting at.

She wandered further into the room and froze.

"Hey, you."

 **So thank you for sticking with this story! Is there anything ya'll want to see before I finish it off?**

 **Please Review (:**


	17. Chapter 17

He'd spoken it so softly and so hoarsely, she wasn't sure he'd said it at all. Or if her brain was making it up.

He certainly didn't look like he'd just spoken. His body remained perfectly still on the hospital bed.

She willed herself forward. "What did you just say?"

He didn't say anything and she held her breath. She knew it, she knew her mind had made it up.

Her eyes dropped to the floor but she still tiptoed towards the bed. _She could still sit with him._

"I said hey. _You._ " It was muffled, because of his mask. But she heard it.

Erin's eyes shot up right at the exact moment he opened his. They looked dark, they looked tired. But they were open, and they were looking at her.

As soon as she heard him, her breath caught in her throat. She got to his bedside just as the words got past his lips.

"Hi," she managed to whisper, through the tears that had begun to fall. She reached down to intertwine their fingers. His skin was still so cold but it still somehow made her feel warmer. She flinched when he moved his little finger in a bid to hold her back. It was the slightest movement, but it just made her cry harder.

He was awake.

The stroking from his little finger caused her to look at his face. He was blinking slowly, going cross-eye as he tried to motion towards the breathing mask that was covering his nose and mouth.

Erin studied his expression. He wanted her to remove it.

She breathed out heavily, realizing she had forgotten to keep doing so from the moment he'd spoken.

"No Jay," she drew small patterns on his skin with her fingers. "That thing is helping you breathe. You can't take it off."

Jay creased his brow slowly, opening his eyes wide.

He was managing to manipulate her, without even speaking.

"Jay," she tried to stand her ground but she knew the way he was looking at her. He'd end up getting his way.

She moved further towards his head, reaching carefully to lower the mask off his face.

He coughed a little. "Thank _fuck_." His voice was groggy and Erin stared at him.

"Really? I take your mask off for you to talk and _that's_ what you go with?!"

He tried to laugh but it came out as more of a splutter.

Erin studied the room, clocking her eyes on a water dispenser by the window. She ran over to fill a cup then held it to Jay's mouth. His face softened as he swallowed the liquid.

She set down the empty cup and focused her attention back on him.

"Thanks, Er" he groaned. His voice was still croaky.

Hers was shaky. "How are you feeling?" She knew it was a stupid question to lead with, but she was going to ask anyway.

He swallowed, looking up at her face and wishing he could stop her tears. "I'm okay. My neck just kills." He paused, turning his head slightly to look at her. He cringed in pain, hoping she wouldn't realize. "Baby, please don't cry."

She sniffed, wiping her nose with her free hand. "I can't help it Jay. You got _shot_. I thought you… I thought you…" She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"Hey," He coughed, so his voice came back. "I'm okay, I swear. I'm here."

He wanted nothing more than to jump from bed and wrap his arms around her. His partner, his girlfriend, his _Erin._

He couldn't do that, so he wanted the next best thing. With the strength he did have, he moved closer to the edge of the bed then spoke.

"Can you lay with me?"

She sucked in a breath. "Jay," his name rolled quietly off her tongue. "You're in pain. I don't want to hurt y-"

"Please?" His breathing was heavy. "Please just lay with me." His voice was so soft, it was like that of a child.

"Please," he repeated. "You have no idea how much I need this."

"Oh believe me, I do." She shrugged, resigned, and started taking off her shoes. "I do."

Her hand left his and she peeled back the hospital covers.

Jay felt the bed dip slightly as she balanced on the edge. She reached out to rest her hand on his cheek.

"I was so worried when Hank told me," she spoke in a whisper. "This week has been torture."

"I'm sorry, Er."

She could see the pain in his eyes. It took all of her strength not to hold him tight, she knew it would hurt him.

Instead, she closed both of her hands around one of his. "You have nothing to apologize for, Jay. You saved me."

It was the first time she'd allowed herself to say it. To think it. Jay had saved her life. And almost got himself killed in the process.

He turned the corners of his mouth into a soft smile. "I had to protect you." His face hardened. "If Logan did anything else to you I swear-"

Her mind shot back to Logan, images of what she could remember flooding her memory.

He saw her grimace. "Er, about what happened in there. I wish I could take it away. If I knew what he did to you-"

Her grip hardened on his face as she tensed. His beard had obviously grown she noticed, the stubble felt rough on her skin.

"Stop, I don't wanna talk about him." She couldn't fight the urge to be closer to him any longer, her small frame scooting closer to him.

She was careful not to hurt him, but nuzzled herself into his chest.

"I've missed you," she whispered. "Your bed feels so big without you in it."

"That's why I need you in here." It was difficult for him to return her gestures and movement, it hurt so much. "This hospital bed doesn't feel right without you."

She shifted onto her side, resting her head against his pillow. "Yeah, being without you makes it nearly impossible to sleep."

"Yeah? Are you tired?"

She nodded. "Unbelievably, actually."

He lowered his head, slightly and careful not to hurt his neck. He took time to inhale her scent, it was a breath of fresh air amidst the nasty hospital smell. He spoke into her hair.

"Then, let's sleep."

 **000000000000000000000000000**

The sound of somebody clearing their throat woke them up.

The younger Halstead brother stood at the door, his arms folded across his chest.

He looked serious, but his tone was playful. "You know fine well you shouldn't be in that bed, Erin." He made a disapproving sound, almost as though he was a teacher telling off a student. "I see you found that my brother's awake."

Erin felt slightly embarrassed, beginning to move quickly out of the position she'd fallen asleep in.

"Sorry Will," she muttered, getting out of the bed.

Jay shot his brother a look. "Really? You're going to be _that_ much of a douche?"

"Hospital policy, big bro." Will laughed. Jay didn't.

Will continued. "How are you feeling?"

"I was doing fine until you interrupted." He stole a glance at Erin, who sank back down into the hospital chair.

"Well I brought your painkillers," Will walked fully into the room. "Unless you wan to suffer in pain?" He teased.

"I'm sure you're not allowed to do that. No, gimme" Jay seemed to come to life at the thought of them. Will handed the pills to Jay. It took him a while for his hand to reach his mouth and he winced as his arm rose further.

"Here," Erin fetched another water and held it again to his mouth. It was emptied in an instant.

"Thank you," his eyes glistened as he looked at her. He turned his attention to his brother. "Alright, hit me with it Will. How long before I get to go home with my girl?" He reached out as far as he could to hold Erin's hand. Perhaps it was for comfort, he prepared himself for the news his brother was about to bring him.

"You can go home tomorrow if you feel like it," Will walked towards the door. "I'm not the one keeping you in here."

Erin and Jay both looked at him, but Jay spoke. "Seriously? You're not messing with me right now?"

Will laughed. "Jay, I'm not messing with you. But you do have to stay tonight. Dr Charles has to discharge you."

That earned a groan from his brother. "It's one night, Jay. One night." He looked over at Erin, who just had her eyes fixated on her boyfriend. "I'm sure you can manage."

"You're killing me, Will." Jay's teeth were gritted, both in pain and slight anger at his brother.

Will left the room, laughing at his brother's expense. He knew Jay wanted to leave, but it wasn't his decision.

Erin stood up too. She leaned forward across Jay's body, balancing just over the top of him. "One more night, Jay. I'll be back to see you in a few hours."

Jay pulled a sad face. "But you just got here!"

Erin laughed. "Hey, I'll be back before you know it." She made her way towards the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He looked resigned at the fact she was leaving.

She looked slightly confused then a smile formed on her lips. She practically skipped back over to him.

"Sorry," she bent back over and lowered herself over his face. Her lips found his own. His were dry but she didn't care. She felt her breath catch in her throat and heard a noise coming from Jay's. She ended it too quickly and rose back up to stand.

"Whoa," Jay exhaled heavily as he watched her pull back. "I forgot how good that feels. If this is what I'm coming home to then," His eyes narrowed. "Damn."

She smirked. "Oh, absolutely not. _That_ is not happening while you're recovering."

"What?! But…I….okaaaay."

She laughed again before reaching the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, I love you."

Her eyes went wide after she'd realized what she'd said.

She'd never said that to him before.

He looked surprised at first but then started to grin.

"Erin, I'm so completely in love with you, you don't even know."

 **00000000000000000000000**

She held the phone to her ear. "Hey,"

"Where are you?! I'm climbing the walls here, Er!"

She laughed, he sounded like a whining child. "Jay, it's like 6. Call me at a more Godly hour!" She teased him, knowing now she was already awake.

He groaned down the phone. "You're _killing_ me, I want to come home!"

She was already half way out of the apartment by the time he'd hung up.

It took her minutes to get to the hospital and she headed straight for his room.

She sprung through the doors. "Ready to go?"

He was standing, out of his hospital gown, apparently waiting for her arrival.

"Oh, you bet." He turned to face her.

She walked over to him and melted into him as he lifted his arms to hug her. She pushed herself against him until she heard him cry out.

"Oh my God I'm sorry," she stepped back but he held onto her arms.

"Don't," He fought to stop her pulling away. His arms wrapped her in a protective embrace again. "Just be here with me for a sec."

She gave up trying to back away, her body turning to jelly as he rested his head against hers.

She reached with her own hands to draw circles on his back. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck but knew that was a no-go. The huge square gauze covering the majority of his neck gave that away.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered into her ear.

She nodded before he let her go. "Good idea," she leaned across to grab his belongings and followed him out of the room.

He caught his breath as he stepped outside.

He was thankful he was able to see the outside world again.

They drove home in comfortable quiet.

"Welcome home," Erin planted a kiss on his cheek before pulling him into the apartment.

"You missed," He smirked before grabbing her jaw and pulling it towards his own. His growing beard brushed against her skin as he turned their heads.

She didn't need to speak for him to know how much she missed him. How much she wanted him.

And he wasn't down for the 'no sex until he'd recovered' rule.

He craved her and he knew she craved him too. He was going to take it to all of his advantage.

"Jay," His name left her lips as he kissed her neck. She threw her head back unconsciously. "You. Have. To. Stop."

He wasn't listening, grabbing the corner of her shirt as he manoeuvred them into the lounge.

He reached the couch first, pulling her with him. He eased himself onto his back, not letting her go.

"Jay, I'm serious," she tried to convince herself. "We can't"

"So I'm not even allowed to kiss you now?" He looked a little taken back.

She breathed out. "Of course you're allowed to kiss me." She sat back, still looking into his eyes. "But if you keep doing that we _both_ know what will happen."

His pupils grew to twice their size. "All the more reason to continue," He chewed on his lip.

"Okay _that_ ," She pointed at his lip biting " _that_ is not helping." She raised her eyebrows. She stood up leaving him looking deflated. "Now I am going in the shower," she reached the door and glanced back to look at him, her eyes narrowing. "And don't you dare follow me!"

 **Please Review :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Erin tossled her hair through the towel as she stepped out of the shower. She wrapped another one around her body, tying a lose knot across her chest. She tiptoed through back into the bedroom, her toes leaving a trail of water in her wake.

The shower seemed to have been just what she needed, and she loved the feeling of the hot water as it collided with her skin. She'd watched as the droplets went down her body, eyeing up her scars that the undercover operation had left on her body. The doctors had taken good care of her, and they were beginning to heal. Some of them were slightly discolored, but they were beginning to be hardly recognizable.

She reached the corner of the bedroom, where she kept most of her clothes: it was still Jay's apartment after all, even though she spent all of her time there. She pulled on a pair of sweats, a tank and one of Jay's sweatshirts. They just felt better than her own. Erin dropped the second towel from around her hair and let her lose wet strands fall onto her shoulders. The work she'd undertaken lately meant she hadn't had time for a hair-cut: even when her hair was wet, it almost reached the middle of her back.

Erin made her way back into the lounge, where she'd left a playful and rather agitated Jay. She'd half expected him to follow her into the bathroom, so he could have his way with her in the shower. Of course, that had been what he wanted but he seemed to have followed her orders. She found him when she walked through the doorframe, sitting in almost the same position as he had been before.

If it was possible, he seemed in an even happier mood when she walked back in on him. Erin saw he was sitting on the couch with his cell phone in his hand. When he heard her walking back towards him, he turned and grinned at her.

Erin smirked, noticing the slight light in his eyes. "I kinda expected you to follow me," she said as she plonked back onto the couch next to him.

Jay narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. "I thought that was against the _rules_ ," he emphasized, looking at her through slits. It was evident he was pained, a sex ban was clearly not on his agenda. He watched as Erin laughed, obviously thinking his needing was funny.

"Well I'm glad you listened. You know what the doctors said," she probably wasn't helping his desires as she nestled her slender frame against his own. She felt the corners of her mouth upturn as his arm snaked around the back of her neck and draped across her shoulders. She knew it was the beginning of his advances, so fought to change the topic. "Who was on the phone?"

He had his face close to her own, nuzzled into her neck. "Hmm?"

Erin reached to grab the cell out of his hand. "Um your phone? Why are you holding it?"

"Oh," he pulled away from her a little, so he was able to look her in the face. "I had a phone call while you were in the shower."

She was slightly surprised, she'd forgotten they weren't living in their own private bubble. There were more people in the outside world. "And?"

"It was Hank," he couldn't stop his facial expression, his white teeth coming into view as he grinned at her. "He found Logan."

It took a minute for Jay's words to register in Erin's brain. For a while, she refused to let herself believe they were true.

For she knew Logan was sneaky, she knew he had escaped their grip before.

And the fact he'd escaped this time, she thought he'd never see him again.

When she finally realized what Jay had said, Erin almost swore. Inside, she felt elated. She knew she could rely on Hank and the team. "We got him."

Jay returned the thrilled look he saw on her face. "Yeah babe, we got him." Finishing his sentence, he pulled her face towards his own and kissed her hard. It took her seconds to return it, and soon she was kissing him back. When he moved to pull her over closer, Erin pulled back.

Jay groaned. "You're killing me, you're really killing me." He let his arms drop to his side and looked at her with wide eyes.

Erin thought it was kinda cute, the way he was acting. It was obvious how much he wanted her, if it wasn't obvious enough in his face, it was obvious in his hand gestures and the way he tried to engage in foreplay. She knew she was making him suffer, but their making up for it would be worth it, right?

She pushed herself backwards onto the couch, so she was against the armrest and let her legs come to rest over Jay's. He couldn't miss their contact for a second, automatically resting a firm grip of his hand on her leg. Erin turned to reach for the TV clicker in a bid to distract him.

"What do you want to watch?"

Jay scoffed at her. "I just told you we caught the shit-bag Logan and you want to watch TV?"

"Yeah I want to watch TV, you know we've been told to take it _easy._ "

Jay scrunched his nose. "Erin Lindsay, when have you ever listened to anybody who told you to 'take it easy'?!"

Erin laughed, knowing it was true. She _was_ a stubborn person, and apparently it was obvious. "Well when it comes from a medical professional, I think I'm gonna listen.."

"Okay true," Jay sank further into the couch, his back sliding down into the cushions. "What are we watching?"

"I'm down for anything. Maybe a movie?" He watched as Erin flicked through the channels, not paying much attention. "Oh, _Step Brothers_. I'm down for that," he pointed towards the screen and Erin stopped on the channel. Within seconds, she was eyeing his face and watching him intently as he laughed hysterically.

It was slightly surreal to Erin that even after everything that had happened the past few weeks, she was back with Jay. There had been a point in her first undercover mission that she thought she would never see him again. And it had scared her, really scared her. The point when she'd left him the note, she barely thought she would be forgiven let alone practically living with him again.

She watched as the lines around his eyes seemed to disappear when he was laughing, his whole face seeming to light up as he laughed at the jokes in the movie.

Her eyes drifted to the white bandage Jay had around the back of his neck. It was the only visible scar Jay had of their ordeal, the dressing spread across the majority of his hairline and down to the top of his spine. It looked a hell of a big bandage for what it was covering, although Erin hadn't really seen it. The hole in his neck had been hidden from her sight, and she felt guilty. Jay was _shot._ He could have _died._ And it would have been her _fault._

Erin was roused from her daze by the sound of a cell phone buzzing. Her own was in the bedroom, so she figured it was Jay's. She watched as Jay pressed the answer button and held the device to his ear. The look of concern on his face soon turned to relaxation.

"It's Hank," he took the phone away from his own ear and presented it to Erin. "He wants to speak to you."

Erin didn't have a clue where to begin the conversation. She wanted, _needed,_ to thank him for so many things and yet she couldn't find a way to put that into words. He'd gone further than he needed to, to protect them. And, even when he'd dodged his arrest, Hank had found Logan. And Erin wanted to know his fate.

" _Hank, hey."_

" _Hey, kiddo there you are. I was worried for a sec, but then thought I'd try Jay's cell. How are you holding up?"_

" _We're okay… what happened?!"_

" _So I guess Jay told you. Logan slipped up, he's not so good at the running thing, We caught up with his games eventually. The girls you saw in his place are all going back to their own country, and he…well he won't be seeing the light of day again."_

Erin breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and Hank responded. " _Heh, I know kid. It's okay, you're safe. But you guys should get some rest I know that mission was heavy. I need you two back to yourselves before I have your hand in any more cases."_

" _Hank-"_

" _I mean it, Erin. Heck I don't want to see you two until you're better. You need at least a week. Sleep, go out walking, whatever. I need my Detectives back to 100%."_

Jay looked over at her as she hung up the call and handed the cell phone back to him. "What did he say?"

"He said to _sleep, go out walking_ and _whatever._ " Erin raised her eyebrows.

"So we should follow the boss's orders, right?" Jay wriggled on the couch, still sitting underneath Erin's legs. "What do you say we take a walk?

"Really?" Erin craned her neck to look out of the window, noticing the droplets of rain landing coming to land on the window pane. "That weather does _not_ look appealing at all, you really wanna go for a walk?"

"Hey, I'm just doing what the Boss is telling me," he winked at her. "We don't have to go now I guess."

He had a way of guilt-tripping her, his way with words, and it worked. Erin groaned a little as she swung her legs off the side of the couch and elevated her body from the couch cushions.

"No, you're right. Exercise'll be good." He got up after her, headed towards the hallway.

It took little time for Erin to prepare herself for the brass conditions, wrapping herself in her winter jacket and accessories to keep her warm. As she slid her arms into her coat, she watched as Jay struggled to manoeuvre his own garments up his arms. The pain in his neck was evident, and she knew he was fighting to stop himself from showing her it hurt.

"Hey," she did the zipper on her jacket then moved closer to him. "Here let me help."

He seemed relieved at her offer to assist him. "Thanks, Er." She pulled up the sleeves of his jacket so they were resting on his shoulders. They stepped out of the door and locked it behind them. When they reached the bottom of the stairs to the doorway, Erin slid her hand through his.

It somehow made her feel safer, like she was protected. Even with the littlest contact of their fingers, it was all she needed. Both Detectives walked past the driveway, into the cold evening Chicago air.

Jay sucked in a breath, regretting his idea. "Okay maybe we walk a couple of blocks and then head back?" He breathed out, watching as the air formed a visible breath bubble in front of him. "Maybe this was a bad idea, it's fucking cold."

Erin laughed, her free hand covering her mouth. "What did I tell you? You should listen to me more often."

They walked a couple of blocks before heading back to the apartment. It was dusk by the time they got back, the sun setting on the opposite side and the sky turning a dark shade of grey. Erin was shivering when they reached the door to the apartment, she couldn't wait to get back inside.

When they got inside, Erin headed straight for the kitchen. She felt the desire for something hot, to warm her cold blood. She made a hot chocolate before heading back into the lounge. Jay had already resumed his position, his feet at one end and his head at the other end of the couch. Erin set down her cup and snuggled in beside him. The heat from his body was better than any hot drink anyway. She pressed her body against his in a bid to feel as close to him as possible.

The two lay quiet for a while, before Jay spoke.

"We should go on vacation."

Erin lifted her head and shifted her body so she was able to looking at him. "Where did that come from?"

"I'm just saying, we deserve it." He paused to kiss the top of her head and ran fingers through her lose curls. "What you went through in there, I just want you to forget about it. I know that might never happen but I want to take your mind away from that place. So, we should go on vacation." He watched as a smile spread across her face. "So where would you like to go, Miss Lindsay? Where in the world can I take my girlfriend on vacation?"

Erin didn't expect the word to surprise her as much as it did. They'd already told each other they loved the other, for God's sakes. But the word still made her feel giddy inside and it warmed her heart. She watched as Jay noticed her reaction and she willed her head up so she could plant a kiss on his lips.

"Anywhere," she pulled her face away and stroked one side of his face. "I'm down for anywhere if it's with you."

"Well we have plenty of time to think about that. It can be our fresh start, a new lead in the right direction for us. We can forget about this ordeal, we can put it behind us."

His words were hitting a spot with her, the phrases he was saying whirling around in her brain. It was like he was mesmorizing her with his comments, like they were all she needed to hear.

But in the back of her own mind, she knew what had brought them back together in the first place. She'd tried to come back to him and expected him to be there. Of course he was, but she'd kind of forced her existence on him. She needed one final reassurance that this, this _thing_ between them, was what he really wanted.

Her tone turned serious. "Jay," she sat and perched herself on the edge of the couch whilst he was still laying. "I need you to be sure that this, _us,_ is what you want. Because I am so completely in love with you and I need you in my life and I'm sorry about the ambush all those weeks ago and I'm sorry I ever left you and I…"

Jay raised a single finger and held it to her lips. "Don't you get it?" He sat up himself and cupped her face with both of his hands. "It's you, Erin. It was always you."

 **The End.**

 **So thank you soooo much for sticking with this story!**

 **Check out my others and let me know what you think! Please leave final reviews :)**


End file.
